Bit: Servo The Dictator

Episode 1003- Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders

Transcribed by Coolg82


(Servo's dome is partly flattened from being stuck in a phone booth; Crow is still falling and screaming)

Tom: Whew! Remind me not to do that again Mike. Heh heh heh. Uh...Mike? (Mike has his back turned, he turns around with a large bass in his hand.) 

Mike: Okay Servo, I'm going for a record worth having, now count how many large mouth bass I swallow. 

Tom: Duh, Okay. (Crow is still falling and screaming, then he suddenly drops from the top of the screen and crashes on the deck. Mike drops his fish)

Mike: How many so far?

Tom: So far--none.

Crow: (From the floor) Uh, is this someone's fish? (Mike looks down at Crow and shudders)

[Castle Forester]

Pearl: Attention captive test subjects! (Bobo hands Pearl an envelope) The Institute For Mad Science has sent me my first experiment to inflict on you (Pearl opens the envelope), now lets do it right so I can get on to the real mad scientists stuff like pulling the heads off monkeys. (Bobo panics) Oh don't even. Hmmm (Pearl Chuckles) yes good. This is a variant on the very evil Zimbardo experiment. The hypothesis is, is that one of you say--Servo, is given complete power and authority over the others--


(Servo is dressed in a militant ruler type of uniform on a platform with red drapes and a large picture of himself behind him. Mike and Crow are in chains.)

Tom: Furthermore, those violating martial law will be torn in half by sumo wrestlers.

Mike and Crow: (weakly) hooray.

Tom: And finally, my good people, give me all your cookies and I won't have you killed!

Mike and Crow: (weakly) hooray.

[Castle Forester]

Pearl: --person in charge will no doubt become corrupt, so we take your person in power and we fill his underwear with fire ants--


Tom: (scared) F-f-f-f-f-f-fire ants! I'm no longer fit to lead! I've come down with a sudden hunta! I relinquish my power to Mike! I'm a private citizen, and you can have your damn cookies back!

Mike and Crow: (weakly) hooray.

[Castle Forester]

Pearl: Ahh--so we see that fire ants in the underwear can change the course of whole governments. Yes, good, good, good. And since Bobo here as my control group had no fire ants in his underwear, so we can conclude that--

Bobo: Hang on, did you say no fire ants in the underwear?

Pearl: Yes--Why?

Bobo: Damn. I gotta go change, I'll be right back. Damn! (Bobo runs off.)

Pearl: Well, I declare this experiment a huge success. Now, while compile my data, I invite you to suffer through today's movie. It's called Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders, and it's a delightful Bambi romp through a flowery, fairyland of happy, harmless, fru-fru family fun for the whole family of all ages. (Pearl loads the film into the machine) Or--is it! Taste the rainbow of fruit pain! (Pearl pulls the machine lever and laughs maniacally)


(Mike and Crow are still in chains, and Servo is still in dictator uniform)

Crow: Uh--Servo, you got the keys to these chains?

Tom: Yeah, yeah, I had them in my pocket here.

Mike: You don't have pockets!

Tom: Doh!

Crow: Dah!

(Movie sign)

Mike: Oh great, we got movie sign!