Bit: Sidehacking Terminology
Episode: 202- The Sidehackers
Crow: Joel, what happened? Where'd the sidehacking
where'd it go? We liked it!
Joel: Well, you
guys gotta understand, it's really hard to get a new sport
going. It's hard to get the recognition that other sports
enjoy. Can you name a few?
kickboxing from the Philippines... uh, tape measure
Crow: And, uh,
computations, and Australian rules football.
Joel: Right, and
what do all these sports have in common that sidehacking
Crow: Uh, a
rudimentary interest factor?
Tom: A sense of
Crow: A small
measure of self-esteem?
these are all really good answers, but the thing I was
looking for was terminology. It's impossible to have
play-by-play or color commentary without it! So, let's put
our heads together and come up with some terminology that
really showcases some of the really exciting moves in our
sport, sidehacking. Cambot, roll that footage. (Footage from
the film rolls; voices of J&TB are heard.)
Crow: It looks
like the Wesley Brothers out of John Harding starting things
briskly with the Fuller Brush Man in a Rumplestiltskin
follow-through with a Teenage Coed Prison!
Tom: Out of
Wausau, representing Wisconsin, Mitch and Pitch performing
the now famous Yank Me Crank Me!
Joel: That bright
young team, the Allentown Poodles, with their rendition of
the Swirly - Oh no, could that have been the Gunkout,
Joel. I think that was more of a Spinning Love Funnel from
those fresh-faced kids of Kankakee Community College...
Tom: Oh my
goodness, it's a lineback, a slowburn & a hop, skip
& a gold flame with a Fintoozler and an Itchy Gorilla!
AN ITCHY GORILLA!
Joel: Uh oh, here
comes the Big Blue Flamer, followed by Teatime Richard
Scarry, the Full Tilt Bozo, Crazy and Just Plain Stupid!
Crow: It's an
exciting day, indeed, here at Japanese War Atrocity Park and
Pavillion-On-The-Park, but-- what's this? Is that the
antiquated old papa Baba O'Riley attempting the Teenage
Wasteland on the hey-de-hi-de-ho side of the track?
Tom: From the
darker side of the street come the Cap Snaffler, Maynard
& Eleanor, Casey's Rolling Pizza and Just Imagine!
Joel: Meet you on
the dark side of the moon, it's the Ghostly Trio, followed
by No-Tell Motel, Aspercreme and Death by Chocolate!
Crow: Uh-oh, hold
onto your epidermis! It's Deputy Dawg and the Hard-Drinking
Soldiers of Fortune attempting the oft-copied Leaky
Tom: Shake me,
don't wake me, Crow.... Looks like Bad Man and the Costumed
Critters of Death are going crinkle-cut and somebody's got
to pay... but, uh-oh! Funny Ha-Ha, Funny Strange and the Bad
Man and Joe screaming "Hey world, check me out!"
Joel: Hand me a
Hoover, it's Raspberry Commie, the Fruitful Snootful and
Hickory Dickory Die attempting a Butterscotch Push with a
Crow: Ho ho ho!
Is that Go-Go the Gorilla with Bloopers, Blunders and
Practical Jokes with Starchy Cock-of-the-Walk in their
Fintoozler? There's Electra-Woman and Dyna-Girl in the
George Barris custom show rod, bravely attempting the Big
Buy with a Tommy Tune on the side!
Tom: I gotta
correct you on that, Crow, I think he's attempting a Stinky
Guy with a Peter Allen--Uh-oh! That means he'll be
disqualified and slapped with a Day in the Life of Ivan
Denisovich! That could be a problem for our Quentin Crisp,
who's expected to deliver a Fighting Aranovich Brother or a
God Your Helmet Smells Good....
Joel: Uh-oh! Here
comes Nutsy, the Sidehacking Clown, performing his famous
Tension Envelope routine! Don't get too close, 'cuz
remember, kids, he who smelt it, dealt it.... Let's give him
a round of applause as we all pardon his blooper!
Crow: Well, it's
been a big day with plenty of sheer gut blow-outs, Juicy
Lucies and a Woozle whose name was Peanut.... This is Crow
and Joel and Tom Servo in the pit.
[Cambot returns to bridge.]
Crow: We'll be at the Nineteenth Quadrant attempting a
Grass Grinder and ground grass is a mulch and mulch is good
for your lawn....
oughta' hold 'em... [Cue lights and Klaxons.]
All: Aaaaah! We got Movie Sign!!!