Bit: The Old School
Episode: 206- Ring Of Terror
Transcribed by Rick Pultz
Joel: Hey Cambot, can you run that music from the movie. Let's do that thing that we worked out. I got the drawings. (Swing style music starts.)
Tom: Ok, Is your college meeting your needs? Do you find you flop down in the library's cushy chairs and just can't get back up?
Crow: Do you often refer to the head of the English Department as "young man"?
Joel: You wish those frat parties would ditch all that annoying fun and serve you a nice hot cup of chamomile tea? Then you should join us at The Old School.
Tom: Yes, it's The Old School as seen on Playstar Productions hit movie, "Ring Of Terror". Now let's aquatint you with some of the features of this fine university. Joel?
Joel: Why thank you, Thomas. The campus spralls beautifully but safely over one-tenth of a square mile nestled between the Irene Ryan Hip Clinic and the Will Geer Instisute for Truss Research. Mister Crow?
Crow: Thank You, Sir. You just finished one of Dr. Rayburn's fine lecurtes on blue rinses and you and your walker are spoilin' for fun? Hey, well head down, slowly, to the athletics facillity located just off War Story Park. Their school team, the Larks, look forward to another terrific season.
Tom: Cheer them on from your Barcalounger in the bleachers as you do "The Nod" or belt out school's song "It's A Good Day For A B.M."
Joel: You know these kids know how to have a good time. It not uncommon at all for the more excited winners to dump a whole cooler of Geritol on their unwitting coach's head. But it's not all fun and games the curriculum is tough, tough, tough.
Crow: That's Right. There's Napping 111 with fearsome Dr. Prowler, who's so mean he once expelled an entire class just for snoring to loud.
Tom: There's Upper Level Soup Slurping, Advance Check Paying and Tip Shorting.
Joel: Corn sanding and bunion counseling right on campus.
Crow: And when your grandkids come to visit you'll recieve a full researched dossier on each of then so you can tell the apart.
Tom: But that's not all. Last year the Lecture Council brought in some amazing speakers among them are Estelle Getty, Lawrence Welk, Mayor Brook Schmitt, Art Linkletter and inexplicably Garrett Morris.
Joel: So, send for your free catalog today. Join us at The Old School, our motto...
All: Porcelaum Sensor Epidernum!
Joel: Which means "Let's get rid of annoying liver spots" and remember if you're over 50 you cannot be turned down.