Bit: Evil Joel and his thugs
Episode: 305- Stranded in Space
(J&TB are wearing "Perfect Order"
evil blazer 'n' jacket combos; Joel is carrying Tibby the
clay turtle in a fishbowl under his arm.)
Joel (in character as evil boss): So,
once again Mr. Rockford has escaped our grasp... Tibby and I
are very displeased, aren't we, Tibby? (Pours fish flakes
Tom (as evil
thugs): Duhhh... SORRY,
Joel: Next time
-- no mistakes. I want him out of our way... PERMANENTLY!
Huh huh hu ha ha ha!
Boss. HA-hah! (Crow exits.)
Servo): NOW, as for
YOU. Quincy's been nosing around a little too much. I think
he's on to us. I want that meddler out of our WAY!
Tom: I'll see
that he takes a LONG VACATION! Heh heh!
character): Uh, that means
you're gonna kill him, right?
breaking character): Uh, yeah,
okay. (Back in character.) Huh-HA heh heh heh... (Servo
exits, Crow re-enters. To Crow): Now, as for you, I want
Hooker DEALT WITH!
Crow: Hooker's a
Joel: I know he's
a good cop. Had we been on the same team, I think we might
have been friends. He's a good cop, but he'll make an even
better... CORPSE! Ah ha ha ha HAHAHAHAAAA!! (Crow and Joel
both dissolve into hysterical, maniacal laughter. After a
few moments, Crow snaps out of it.)
Crow: Uh.. what
was I supposed to do again?
Crow: Oh, right.
Kill Hooker... kill Hooker... (Crow exits, Servo
Servo): Now. Christy
Love has been sticking her PERT, PRETTY little nose in our
business long enough and I want it OUT!
character): Uh, business...
what do you mean by our 'business?'
character): Well uh, you
know, the things we do, like illegal things, and things that
people of a depraved nature... do?
Tom: Well why
didn't you just SAY that, fer cryin' out lou- ?
Joel: WELL, IT'S
IMPLIED! (Back in character.) Now, I want Christy Love to...
take a deep, deep rest. She... heh.. needs her... BEAUTY
REST! Yes! MWAHHAHAHAHa hah... (Servo exits; Crow re-enters,
slightly out of breath.)
Crow: Uh, 'scuse
me, Boss, uh... I'm a little confused. I was supposed to
permanently eliminate Matt Houston and send Mrs. Columbo on
a long vacation... so I... I FLEW to Houston and... uh...
aren't we supposed to KILL any of these people?
that's the whole point. You're supposed to kill 'em all... I
Crow: Oh, right.
Kill 'em all. Okay. (Servo re-enters.)
Tom: Uh, say
Boss, now was I supposed to have a long talk with
Petrocelli, or was it Banacek, the Polish guy? And I didn't
know whether to take care of Toma, or Baretta!?
Crow: Oh, uh,
Servo, that's the same guy.
nonononono. Wasn't "Toma" Tony Musante?
Crow: Well, yeah,
until they moved the show out to LA and put Robert Blake in
Voice: Epilog in ten seconds.
Joel: Well you
see, my little friends, it works like this... (bridge lights
Voice: Epilog in five... four...
three... two... epilog now. (Bridge lights come up).
Joel: So you see,
Rockford is out of our way, Quincy is on permanent vacation
and Christy Love has taken a deep, deep sleep. Well, my
friends, it's time to watch a film.. after THIS!
All: Mwuhhuh huh
huh.. heh heh heh haHAHAHHAHH!!! *cough*