Bit: Joel's a 50-foot Man! Aah!
Episode: 309- The Amazing Colossal Man
[SOL]
(Joel is inside a tiny room, made to look
like he is massive just like the Amazing Colossal Man. There
are two doors in the room, and a window, behind which Crow
and Servo are standing. The curtains in the window are
closed.)
Joel
(to himself): What
kind of sin could a man commit in a single lifetime to bring
this upon himself? (Hits the floor) Ahh! (Opens the
curtains) Ahh! No!
Crow: Uh,
Joel?
Tom: Joel?
Crow: Won't you
talk to us?
Joel: No! Go
away! (Hits the floor) Ahh! I'm huge! Ahh!
Tom: We'd like to
ask you a few questions. How do you feel?
Joel: What do you
mean how do I feel? I feel huge! (Hits floor) I'm a fifty
foot man! Ahh, ooh, no
Crow: Do you
think you're having delusions of grandeur?
Tom: Well, he's a
colossal man, of course he's having delusions--oh, ask him
another question!
Crow: Okay, uh,
uh, who's your favorite Monkee?
Tom: Oh, here,
let me! How many fish can you name?
Crow: Yeah!
Joel: How many
fish can I name? What kind of questions are these? I'm a
fifty foot tall man! You don't care about me! Go away! Ooh,
no!
Tom: Oh, that's
not true Joel! We're trying to do everything in our power to
help you!
Crow: Yeah...
Tom: Oh, this
isn't working. I don't think anything can save him.
Crow: Ah, he's
just being difficult 'cause he's a freak!
Joel: No...
Tom: Yeah, let's
try plan B! Okay?
Crow: Oh, yeah,
plan B!
Tom: *Ahem* Joel,
are you still there?
Joel: Of course
I'm still here! I'm immense! I'm huge! (Hits floor) Ahh,
ooh, eee!
Tom: We have
some-one here who can help you! (Whispers to Crow) Go ahead!
(The door on the left opens up, and Crow pokes a female doll
through it.)
Crow
(falsetto): Um, honey?
Um...I'm...I really still love you, and I'm not gonna leave
you in this position...haha...some
condition...haha...(There's a knock at the other door) Oop,
someone's at the door! (The other door opens, and Servo
pokes a male doll through it)
Tom: Uh, hello?
Uh, hi there honey! How'd you like to go out with a normal
guy tonight? (Tom and Crow laugh.)
Joel (breaking
character): Alright, come
on you, that's it, this is getting too weird you guys,
forget it.
Crow: Hey, Servo,
how'd you get your arm to work?
Joel: Oh, that's
it, every time I try to teach you guys a little something
about human nature, you gotta twist it around and do one of
your little jokes. Well, listen, you guys can just turn
around and sashe those little robot metal butts of yours
into the theater where you can learn a real something about
isolation and loneliness!
Crow and
Tom: We're sorry...
Tom: Freak!
(Movie sign)
Joel: Ahh, we got
movie sign!
(cut)
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