Bit: The Unearthly: The Game
Episode: 320- The Unearthly
(Servo are Crow are standing in front of
an intricate apparatus on the table.)
Joel (enters and sees it): What in the--
oh, you guys...
results in creativity.
Tom: We thought
we could shake off our own cabin fever by playing a little
Crow: Yeah, but
most of our games are missing their pieces.
Tom: So, we
combined them to make our own game based on this week's
movie. Wanna help us play a game?
Joel: Sure, what
can I do?
Tom: Well, we're
all set up, but you can read the directions.
Joel (pulls out
an elaborately folded piece of paper): Oh,
these? OK. Alright, I can you guys put these...it's kind of
an amalgam of a bunch of different instructions. OK. Gotcha.
(reading) "Equipment: Game board showing the many rooms of
John Carradine's 'Unearthly' mansion."
player chooses one color token or marker."
Tom: Oh, oh, oh,
I'm the shoe, I'm always the shoe! Dibs on the shoe! (Joel
produces real shoe from behind table and puts it on the
Crow: I'm the
iron, I'm the iron! I don't want the pig this time. (Joel
brings out a real iron.)
Joel: And I'll be
playing my Captain Kirk king from my Franklin Mint
Collection Chess Set!
Tom: Oh, I forgot
about that one.
Crow: It's the
only piece he's got.
Joel: OK, what's
Tom: Firsties! We
roll for firsties!
Joel: OK, right.
"Each player rolls the dice in the Tor Johnson Pop-o-matic.
After the first player has been selected, but before you
remove his pituitary gland, the player on his or her left
loses one turn and then proceeds to go."
(impatiently): OK, we can
him, keeps reading): "Then each
player starts out with a billion dollars and half a dozen
hotels, but immediately loses them when they dump Ivana for
Tom: OK,OK so
let's go, let's go, let's roll the dice!
Joel: "The player
landing on a 'Plotstopper' square must go back to the
beginning of the movie or play the organ for five minutes.
All players must stay within the boundaries of the house.
Players going outside the house, who are in any way
suggesting another location, put the film over budget and
must forfeit one turn and pay the player to his or her
right. The sum not equal to net points made on the back end
of the deal."
Crow: OK, we know
Tom: Let's roll,
Joel: Hang on.
"Players caught on the stairway lose one turn. Players
caught in a meaningless two-shot with John Carradine lose
one turn. Players who lose one turn...
"...lose one turn."
Tom: OK, here we
Joel: Wait a
second. "Players who lose the breakfast argument with the
palooka advance to the woman's bedroom. Palookas making
advances on the woman lose one turn."
Tom: Thank you,
Joel. You know, we wrote these rules, so we know 'em. We can
just get going, let's go!
Joel: Hold on.
Hold on. "Dialogue cards: Players landing on the dialogue
box take one card. Players must read one passage of
Crow: Yeah, but
you don't need to do that right now.
Tom: We'll get to
it. (Joel tries to take a dialogue card, but takes out a
long string of them.
Crow: When we
land on that square...
Joel: OK, let's
see here. (reading card) "As John Carradine." Let's see. (As
John C.) "I'm glad to hear you're willing to help. You're a
clever young man. I've decided you could be of assistance to
Tom: Pretty good
Joel (as Myron
Healy's character): "I'm real handy
to have around, especially if you need someone to bandage a
Joel (as John
C.): That's not
exactly what I had in mind...
Tom: Joel, c'mon!
We wanna play! (Joel continues reading, commercial sign)
Crow: Joel, the
commercial sign light is flashing.
Tom: Let's just
play the game! What could be so wrong...
Crow: Let's just
leave. (to Joel, as British child) Please, Mister, can we
have our ball back?
over logo) "...beyond the realm of possibility. Believe me,
it's not impossible to the true scientist..."