Bit: Dead End Kids Patois

Episode: 320- The Unearthly

Transcribed by


(Joel and the 'Bots are standing in front of the camera. They are all speaking in "Dead End Kids patois".)
Joel: Holy buckets! What a cock-and-ball hoodoo picture show that was, eh fellas?
Crow: Boy, dose old moshbags gimmie the jim-jams somethin' awful.
Tom: Yeah, I give that honk up to Nixie, but, hey, we're really footin' it on the lingo, huh?
Crow: Yeah, we can sure peg it away with the peddleless French, eh, pal o' mine?
Joel: Yeah, we're goin' hi-hat in a big way, fellas, huh?
Crow: Hot, sweet, and filthy.
Tom: Yeah, whoo!
Joel: Okay, now zip it you muttonheads, we got a bug-letter to sling. Okay.
Tom: Man, ain't that jake?
Joel: Yeah, let's put it. Boost it, Cambot. Okay. Whoo--okay, here we go. It sez here...
Tom: What's it sez?
Joel: "Dear Joel and da 'Bots."
Crow and Tom: Hey! Dat's me! (laughs)
Joel: Right, button it. Okay, button it, you gumps. Okay, sez here, "I have a couple of questions about Tom 'Soivo'."
Tom: Nyah!
Joel: "'Foist': Why can't we see through Tom's head, when you guys ares watchin' the movie, even though his head is transparent? And second: How can Tom even watch the movie when he doesn't have any peepers?"
Crow: Well, don't dat beat the dutch?
Joel: Yeah, yeah, I think ol' Laughin' Boy's pullin' a fast one on us, is what I think!
Tom: Hey, what gives? I ain't no bad pilla'! >unintelligible<
Joel: Aw, cut with the baby act. Come on, Clyde.
Crow: Dis mug was gonna give us the boost, huh? Ain't gonna cut up wit' his old pallies. Why I oughta...
Joel: Hey, Crow, Routine 27. (Tom starts screaming. Joel grabs Tom and starts applying noogies)  Yeah, yeah, we're just pullin' your pants, gumpy. Take it easy.
Crow: Yeah, boy oh boy, we really had you by da fat end, pallie.
Tom: Dah, you saps! Ahhhhh...
Joel: Hey, hey, foot it, boys. His nibs is callin' on the other line. So what's it to you, Einstein?

[Deep 13]

(Dr. F. is standing next to Frank, who's wearing a hat and eating oatmeal feverishly.)

Dr. F (normal voice): Look, you bombastic biscuit boy, any more of this faux Dead End Kids patois and I'll show you the real meaning of lexi...phani... cism or...
Frank: (in Dead End Kids patois) Hey, boss, dis is good grub. That padre, he's not a half-bad egg. You know, I could really get into eatin' grub like this if I could be a Junior G-Man.
Dr. F: Frank, why must you always go on with your little...
Frank (interrupting): Hey, boss, do your Leo Gorcy.
Dr. F: No, I'm not going to do my Le--No... I'm not going to do my...I, no...
Frank (at the same time): Come on, you do a great Le--he does a great Leo Gorcy. Do your Leo Gorcy. Come on. Come on.
Dr. F: Frank, Frank, once again I'm going to have to kill you.
Frank: You wanna run that by me one more time?
Dr. F: (pulling out a hat and falling into his Leo Gorcy impression) Run that by  me one more time (hits Frank with the hat and then puts the hat on his head).... Yeah, you know, kill, uh, boost, ice, whack, skrag, douse, stifle, eighty-six, uh, slip the Rosco, chill, dust, yank, toss a little kickshaw, raja...