Bit: Mixing a Killer Shrew

Episode: 407 - The Killer Shrews

Transcribed by Rick Pultz


(Joel wiping inside of a glass, as a bartender, greets Crow and Tom)

Joel: Evening, Mr. Servo. Evening, Mr. T. Robot. What Can I Do For You?

Tom: Well, Joel. It's a quarter-to-three and no one in the place but you and me...and Crow. Well, me and my friend here are going to show you how to mix a real drink.

Crow: Ah, step back Joel, This is not you average Hop, Skip and Flip and Go Zombie.

Tom: But it is very potent potable and it's our very own "Killer Shrew"

Joel: O.K. I'm at your service.

Tom: O.K. Listen Up, Chocolate Ice Cream!

Joel: Chocolate Ice Cream? Got It! (Scoops ice cream and drops it into a blender)

Crow: Cap'n Crunch with crunch berries. (Joel adds it.)

Tom: Peanut M&M's. (Joel adds them.)

Crow: Mrs. Butterworth's. (Joel pours some in.)

Tom: Circus Peanuts. (Joel adds some.)

Crow: Mr. Pibb. (Joel pours some in.)

Tom: Now, Marshmallow Peeps. Lots of marshmallow peeps

Joel: Marshmallow Peeps. (Addding some, he pauses.) Is this going to be a little sweet?

Tom: Shut-up and make the drink, barkeep. Sweet Tarts! (Joel adds some.)

Crow: Vanilla Frosting. (Joel adds some.)

Tom: Good-N-Plenty. (Joel adds some.)

Crow: Waxed Lips. (Joel begins to get some when Tom stops him.)

Tom: No! No Waxed Lips. You're thinking the Vulcan Mind Probe.

Crow: Yeah, Right. 86 the Waxed Lips.

Tom: All Right, music maestro, please. (Joel starts the blender while Tom & Crow mutter.) Now, pour it into giant plastic tulip glass and garnish with a wind-up shrew.

Joel: Say This looks pretty good can I have a taste?

Tom: Be my guest! (Joel takes a straw and takes a taste and collapses in a sugar shock.)