Bit: The Rip Taylor Trio

Episode: 418 - Attack of the the Eye Creatures

Transcribed by Tim "Insert Whimsical Tagline Here" Walsh


(Props are arranged behind the desk.)

Magic Voice: Ladies and gentlemen, the Satellite of Love, in association with George (?) productions, presents, with the world premiere of their new line of Attack of the Eye Creature gags, the Rip Taylor Trio!

(Lights flicker as J&TB enter cheering and yelling in gray wigs and mustches; Joel is flinging confetti around.)

Joel: (as RT) Oh, thanks for having us! What a movie--not!, like they say on "Wayne's World!" (all laugh) In the words of the immortal Eye Creature, "An eye for an eye for an eye for an eye," cause you see, they many eyes! (All laugh and cheer.)

Crow: Say, I wonder who their favorite president is? I'm guessing EYE-senhower...cause they begins with "eye!"

Joel: Oh, let's cut with the patter and get on with the A material!

Tom: I thought we were doing the "I" material! Cause, you see, it's the letter...Kiss me!

Joel: Sister, don't cross me! (Holds up a bottle with a watering pail lid and pours the water out.) It's the Eye Creatures' Visine bottle, because you see, they got so many wouldn't understand! (Holds up an egg carton.)

Crow: The Eye Creatures' contact lens case! (Joel shakes "contacts" out of the carton.) Contact lens, cause they have...lots's funny! (All shout and cheer; Joel holds up a huge tubular bottle.)

Tom: Grab the mascara bottle! Yes, haha! (All cheer and shout as Joel pulls out a stick from which several mascara brushes dangle.)

Joel: Oh, sister, oh!

Tom: C'mon, it's funny, come on, laugh!

Joel: (holds up a line of about 15 eyeglasses) Next, the Eye Creatures' glasses, because you see, they got so many eyes, and they're...large! (Bends the glasses over his head.) Whoa!

Crow: How about the Eye Creatures' sun visor? (Joel holds up about 10 connected visors.) The sun visor! Holy mackerel, they got lots of eyes!

Tom: Eye chart! Eye chart! (Joel holds up a chain of eye charts.) Cause they have lots of eyes...oh, shut up!

Joel: You wanna get the Eye Creature mad? (holds up connected plastic lemons.) Do this! (Squirts lemon juice.) See, cause they got so many eyes! (throws up a shower of confetti) You see, it's all part of the fun!

Crow: Why don't you get a day job! (Joel holds up a large bucket.) The Eye Creatures' eye gunk collection bucket...mucus drool bucket, cause they have lots of eyes with...buckets of...drool, and it's funny!

Joel: It's funny! (Unfolds a large cloth with an embroidered KM.)

Tom: Karl Malden's handkerchief! Cause, you see, he has a big nose, and...that doesn't have anything to do with Eye Creatures.

[Commercial sign]

Joel: Monogrammed, whoa! (Throws confetti around as the bots cheer and shout.) So long everybody, we'll be appearing at the Tropicana with Debbie Reynolds! (Dumps out all the confetti.) OK, thanks, buh-bye!

(Crow and Servo shout and cheer and run off screen.)