Bit: Monster Body Parts

Episode: 424- Manos: The Hands of Fate

Transcribed by


Joel: Real lame monster in this movie today, huh?
Crow: Yeah! Wow. Typical. What monster?
Joel: You know...Torgo! Real lame monster?
Crow: Torgo's a monster? What do you think, Tom?
Tom: Well, um, think that, uh, sure, yeah. Seems to me that, yeah. Uh, exaggerated physical attribute, in this case the *knees*, used to induce, um, terror. Yeah, I guess he's a monster, yeah.
Crow: Oh, now I *really* hate this movie! How long did that decision take the director, a tenth of a second?
Joel: Yeah...
Crow (as director): "Big knees? Good! Let's go with it!"
Joel: Yeah, you're right, I mean there's got to be a ton of other exaggerated "physical attributes" that would be a whole lot scarier. Like, if I wanted to scare people, (holds out forearms) I'd have really huge forearms.
Tom: Well, ya kinda do. But what I'd do, see, get this, I'd have one big droopy pinky, and I'd drag it behind me. (Laughs evilly. Joel and Crow react in horror to this. J&TBs react throughout with horror and disgust and shudders and little exclamations.)
Crow: What if you had one buttcheek that was way bigger than the other one? Couldn't stand it, huh?
Tom: My head: a canker, a big giant canker. Nothin' but.
Joel: I'd have one, really big flared nostril, and inside would be lots of red matted hair.
Crow: I'd have an ear that would cover me like a shroud, and a thumb the size of a juggling pin!
Joel: Yah!
Crow: ...but not on my hand.
Tom: Nipples. Many sizes, many shapes. Some on my back!
Crow: A tongue the size of a sleeping bag, and my fingers would fold the other way. Think about it.
Joel: On my face, everything normal except--no nose.
Crow: Nothing?
Joel: Nope, not even holes. Think how disturbing that would be, ahh!
Tom: My intenstines on top of my head, where I'd have to keep them greasy.
Crow: I'd remove my skin, restitch it, and wear it as a cardigan.
Tom: Ahem, I would have a dewlap! (Shudders and shakes his head back and forth, half-gobbling like a turkey. Everyone is really grossed out.)
Crow: Monster. I just don't see how you can call Torgo a monster.
Joel: But he is! He-e *is* a monster!
Crow: No he isn't!
Joel: He's a monster. (Starts tapping Crow on the shoulder.) He is a mon-ster, and that is why his...
Crow: Nu-uh, haha, cut it out, hehe, cut it out, hehehe... (Movie sign)
Joel: Ah, no, we got movie sign!
(Crow laughs through the beginning of the door sequence and into the theater.)