Bit: The Feet of Fate/Dr. F. Apologizes

Episode: 424- Manos: The Hands of Fate

Transcribed by Tim Walsh


(Servo is humming and reading a magazine.)

Tom: Oh, I don't like that neckline at all. Oh, this is cute... (Joel enters in moustache and pseudo-Hands of Fate robe except there are feet on it.)
Joel (evilly): Salutations, Imperfect One! I am the Master and you are myseriously drawn to me. (Servo snorts.) Everything I say you must do right away without having to ask twice. I am evil and mean and unforgiving! In your brokenness you have failed and now must repent. Bow down now before me! BOW DOWN!
Tom (calmly): Oh, hi, Joel. (continues humming and reading.)
Joel: (normally) C'mon, Tom, I was just commanding you to do my will. Besides, look, (evilly) Come to me for I am the magnet and you are steel!
Tom: Well, you look like Maude.
Joel: Well, c'mon, I think this cloak exudes power and manliness. And, hey, look, I got a horrifying hellbeast right here. (Crow pops up from behind the table, decked out as the dog from the movie. He has red eyeballs.) It's pretty scary.
Tom: Well, you just look like Maude with a hellbeast.
Crow: Oh, you mean Estelle Getty? (chuckles)
Joel (evilly): But, Tom, look!
Tom: C'mon, Joel, the cloak is grand, the workmanship is superb, but a neat caftan doesn't automatically qualify you as the devil's spin doctor.
Joel: Oh, c'mon, look, it's lined, I got inside pockets, I got a little special one for my Mentos. It's even got a cotton panel...(begins to lift robe)
Crow: Uh, Joel, Tom's right. It's just not working. You're not the evil type.
Joel: What do you mean?
Crow: Well, for one thing, your face is too friendly, and your eyebrows, they arc gently as opposed to jutting inward, and, well, frankly, Joel. you blush in the most adorable way.
Joel: (takes off moustache) This is really embarassing. Oh, great, the Mads are calling.

[Deep 13]

Dr. F: Uh, hi, fellas. Look, I, uh, I, I, just wanna let you know I know this movie's a tough one, and I just wanna let you know that I feel for you.
Frank: (off-screen) Doctor? Caramel corn's ready. Do you want it in your Little Mermaid bowl?
Dr. F: Uh, fine, sure. (to J&TB) Now, you realize that if you tell Frank I've done this, I'll have to kill him, so, let's not. OK? 'Nuff said? ("zips" mouth shut) Alrighty? Bye-bye.