Episode: 506-Eegah!

Transcription by Adam the Devil Doll

(At open, Joel is in a device with tiny plungers and hoses around his face. The bots are dressed as surgeons)

Joel: Okay, guys. I'm all set up in this thing. What was it for, agian? (Bots sigh)
Tom: If you MUST know, Joel, we're going to surgically alter your face so you look just like Arch Hall Jr.
Joel (confused): Wait a minute! Who's Arch Hall Jr.?
Crow: You know! Arch Hall Jr. The butt-ugly teen star from today's movie. (Realizing who that is, Joel panics and tries to get out of the device, with no success) Now this might hurt a bit.
Tom (calling offstage): Oh, Dr. Gypsy! The patient needs gas.
Gypsy (enters wearing mask. In flowery voice): And how are we today? Oh, what a nice big boy you are! (Joel falls asleep. In regular voice) He's toast. See you guys post-op. (exits)
Crow (looking after her, lustfully): Grrrrrr!
Tom (impatient): Ahem.
Crow: Ah, yes. Let's get cracking Dr. Tom! Once the gas wears off, I don't know how long those restraints'll hold.
Tom: Don't give it another thought, Dr. Crow. By the time Joel comes to, he'll have no recourse but to take up a career as a wimpy, B-movie actor. (The bots laugh maniacally)
Tom: You know, doctor, I have a mad posh to start with the Arch hair.
Crow: Switching on Arch hair! (A blonde wigs plops onto Joel's head) Ah, and it smells bad, too! Now, quickly, Dr. Tom, let's smoosh his face up to look like a sunburnt baby! (plungers push Joel's face)
Tom: Smooshed, sunburnt baby, Arch Hall Jr. face coming up.
Crow: Hmm, looking good, Dr. Tom, but he needs that inhuman-Play-Doh color skin, but how?
Tom: Don't fret, Dr. Crow! The pigment's on it's way. Watch! (colored liquid drips down onto Joel's face)
Bots: (Yes, Excellent, etc.)
Crow: The sleeper awakens! (Joel starts to wake up) Hurry, he's almost complete. I'll give him the Arch Hall nose and let's get the hell outta here!
Tom: Yes, yes, yes, yes. (A piece of glass on a stick comes down to smoosh Joel's nose.)
Joel (mumbling): I don't wanna look like Arch Hall Jr.
Tom: Alas, Babylon! Quick, Gypsy, hit him with the fixative! It's almost...
Crow: It is...