Bit: JOEL IS TURNED INTO ARCH HALL JR.
(At open, Joel is in a device
with tiny plungers and hoses around his face. The bots are
dressed as surgeons)
Joel: Okay, guys.
I'm all set up in this thing. What was it for, agian? (Bots
Tom: If you MUST
know, Joel, we're going to surgically alter your face so you
look just like Arch Hall Jr.
(confused): Wait a minute!
Who's Arch Hall Jr.?
Crow: You know!
Arch Hall Jr. The butt-ugly teen star from today's movie.
(Realizing who that is, Joel panics and tries to get out of
the device, with no success) Now this might hurt a bit.
offstage): Oh, Dr. Gypsy!
The patient needs gas.
wearing mask. In flowery voice): And how are we
today? Oh, what a nice big boy you are! (Joel falls asleep.
In regular voice) He's toast. See you guys post-op.
after her, lustfully): Grrrrrr!
Crow: Ah, yes.
Let's get cracking Dr. Tom! Once the gas wears off, I don't
know how long those restraints'll hold.
Tom: Don't give
it another thought, Dr. Crow. By the time Joel comes to,
he'll have no recourse but to take up a career as a wimpy,
B-movie actor. (The bots laugh maniacally)
Tom: You know,
doctor, I have a mad posh to start with the Arch hair.
on Arch hair! (A blonde wigs plops onto Joel's head) Ah, and
it smells bad, too! Now, quickly, Dr. Tom, let's smoosh his
face up to look like a sunburnt baby! (plungers push Joel's
sunburnt baby, Arch Hall Jr. face coming up.
looking good, Dr. Tom, but he needs that inhuman-Play-Doh
color skin, but how?
Tom: Don't fret,
Dr. Crow! The pigment's on it's way. Watch! (colored liquid
drips down onto Joel's face)
Crow: The sleeper
awakens! (Joel starts to wake up) Hurry, he's almost
complete. I'll give him the Arch Hall nose and let's get the
hell outta here!
Tom: Yes, yes,
yes, yes. (A piece of glass on a stick comes down to smoosh
(mumbling): I don't wanna
look like Arch Hall Jr.
Babylon! Quick, Gypsy, hit him with the fixative! It's