Bit: Joel Escapes

Episode: 512- Mitchell

Transcribed by Chris Franzino

(Lights flashing, warnig lights are beeping, red light over everything. Gypsy pops up wearing earphones and a microphone.)

Gypsy: 20 seconds to expulsion!!
Joel: Okay, alright, we have this letter to read. Lets put it it upon still store. This comes to us from a wo...
Gypsy: 10 seconds and counting! 10, 9, 8...
Joel: Gypsy, could you please turn of these emergency lights? We got this letter to read!
Gypsy: Sure! (lights and noise go off.) One! EXPULSION!! (Trap door opens, Joel falls through it.)
Tom: What the hell was that?!
Crow: Yeah! Where's Joel!
Tom: Yeah!
Gypsy: I can explain everything. Cambot quick! Give me rocket number 9!

[Rocket Number 9]

(A hatch opens to reveal a box marked "hamdingers" which opens to reveal an escape pod.)

Voice of Gypsy: He'll finally get to be among his own in the wild.
Voice of Crow: Hey look! There's a prize inside that box of hamdingers! An escape pod. (Pod takes off.)


(Hexfield opens to show Joel sitting in the escape pod)

Crow: Hey!
Joel: Hey guys! Look at me! I'm on my way back to earth! Pretty crazy, huh?!
Crow: Hey! What about us!?
Tom: Yeah!
Crow: What are we suposed to do wtih out you! Who's gonna teach us about what it is to be human and stuff!
Tom: Yeah!
Joel: Listen you guys. At this point you guys know about as much about it as I do. (Snow flies before Joel, simulating static.) Listen, I don't alot of time. My signal is starting to break up. I can tell I'm getting out of range. Listen, if you look under the desk, there's a plaque I made for you guys to put up to remember me by. (Cambot pulls back to show plaque now sitting on desk.)
Tom: Yeah, here it is! Look! Boy! Nice job, Joel! Very professional looking! Really nice job!
Joel: Yeah, thanks. I really gotta get out of here, I'm almost out of range! Listen you guys, be strong and true. I love you! Bye! (Hexfield closes.)
Crow: Well, it's been a big day. Who's hungry?
Tom: D'oh! NOT YET, DOFUS! Let's find out what's on the plaque! Press that button there.
Crow: Oh yeah. (presses button)
Voice of Joel (Oriental style music plays): To all on the Satellite of love from Joel.
Gypsy: Hey! Thats us!
Crow and Tom: SSSSSSSSHH!!!!
Voice of Joel: The whole world is a circus if you look at it the right way. Every time you pick up a handful of dust, you see not the dust, but a mystery, a marvel, there in your hand. Everyime you stop and think, "I'm alive, and being alive is fantastic." Every time such a thing happens, you are part of the circus of Dr. Lao (pronounces it "loo.")
Crow and Tom: WHAT!?!?!
Tom: Circus of Dr. Lao!?
Crow: Oh!
Tom: Jeez! Brother. Joel leaves and his last words are from a George Pal movie? I thought it would be somthing profound! You know, like from the Psalms, or the Upanishads or even the Desiderata for that matter!
Magic Voice: Last transmission from Joel coming in on Hexfield. (Hexfield opens.)
Tom: Joel, buddy! Circus of Dr. Lao?! I don't get it!
Joel: Hey, it's my favorite movie, so sue me! I got to go, guys. Hey, see you later! (To Cambot.) Sorry, folks! I can't come back! I don't know how it works! Good-bye!! (Hexfield closes.)
Bots: BYE! BYE!
Crow: Wow.
Gypsy: Oh, I'm goning to miss him.
Tom: Well, I guess he's gone for good, fellas. That only means one thing. I'm in charge.
Crow: Race you to the Mallowcups. I found out where he hides them!
Tom: Oh, Crow! Too soon!!
Gypsy: Think they'll send us a new guy?
Tom: Oh sure, they're bound to. But, until that happens...PANIC!!!
Bots (Begin running widly across the screen): AAAAAH!! PANIC!!! AAAAAAAHH!! JOEL!! JOEL!!!! JOEL!!!! HELP ME!!! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!!!!!? WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!! AAAAAAAAAAH!! (Crow falls apart, Tom loses his dome.)

[Deep 13]

(Frank stares into the screen, dumbfounded.)

Dr. F. (In a green bathrobe with wet hair and a towel): Nothing like a shower to make one feel new again, huh?. (Frank gulps.) I feel great! Nothing can get in the way of my good mood. Whats goin' on, Frank?
Frank: Oh, not much. Inventory under control...floor needs mopping...Joel escaped from the Satellite of Love....
Dr. F.: Well, I see you have the situation well in ha-- WHAT!!! JOEL ESCAPED from the Satellite of LOVE???
Frank: I better get started on that floor.
Dr. F.: Frank! My towel and you hinder have an appontment. We've got to rescue Joel. (Begins typing franticly.) Oh no! NO! FRANK! He's landed safely in the Austrailian outback!
Frank: Well, let's just hope he landed on Yahoo Serious.
Dr. F.: Well, thats a good point...FRANK! (Grabs him by the shoulders) Can't you see we're ruined! What are we gonna do?
Frank: Well, we could send someone else into space.
Dr. F.: Who are we gonna find at this late date to send into space?! (Mike walks up)
Mike: You guys sign my time card? (Dr. F. and Frank look at him and start laughing.)
Dr. F.: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Frank: Yeah! Your not gonna sign his time card are you! (Dr. F gives him a look.)
Mike: Come on, you gotta sign my time card.
Dr. F.: Of course I'll sign your time card, young man! In fact, I think you'll be working for me for a long, long time. Push the button, Frank. (Frank pushes it with a disgusted look. Blackout.)
Dr. F.'s voice: Say Mike, what size jumpsuit do you wear? (Mike whimpers.)