Satellite News -- Ward E -- Bit514

Bit: Show Biz Love

Episode 514- Teenage Strangler

Transcribed by Carol Ventura


(Close-up on Mike, reading from a volume of e.e. cummings' poetry.)

Mike: "...then shall i turn my face and hear one bird sing terribly afar in the lost lands." (Mike puts down the book, Cambot pulls back to show Servo and Crow on either side of Mike.) Now that, my little friends, is love.
Tom: Oh, not since Edgar Allen Poe's love for the comely Helen chronicled so eloquently, have I been so moved, so taken, so--
Crow: So BORED!
Mike: Come on, Crow, that's one of my all-time favorite poems. It's so complete in its beauty. (Mike picks up the book.) Let me read you some more stuff.
Crow: That ain't love! How can it be? It's unrequited. Plus it's got all that longing and yearning junk. I wanna hear about hot love, quick and ready. You know: see it, like it, got it.
Mike: Oh, like Rod Stewart sees Rachel Hunter in TV, writes her a letter, and then boom, they're married?
Crow: Yeah. You think that's love?
Tom: I know it is for me! Have you seen that video? Wow!
Crow: I'm serious. Do you think it's love? Or how about Edie Gorme and Steve Lawrence? Is that love true?
Mike: Well, it's love, but it's not love on the scale of Glenn Campbell and Tanya Tucker.
Tom (quietly agreeing with Mike): Oh, no.
Crow: Well, how about Emilio and Paula? Is she forever his girl or is he just a cold-hearted snake? (Mike and Servo are nodding, coming around to Crow's celebrity-oriented world view.)
Tom: Oh, Crow, she's so cute and he's just as nice as the dickens, I'm sure it can survive. Well, just look at Don and Melanie -- hey, no problems there, huh?
Crow: True. How about Bruce and Demi? Joanne and Paul. Oh, and Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love! Now they've built their house on high and solid ground.
Tom: Then there's the classic Edie Adams and Ernie Kovacs.
Crow: Maria Shriver and Arnold.
Tom: Jack Douglas and Reiko--John and Yoko, for that matter.
Mike: Joan Didion and John Gregory Dunne.
Tom: Yeah.
Crow: Get with it, Nelson! Show biz love is the only love that matters!
Mike: Oh, it is, huh? Well, then, how about Burt and Loni, hmmm? (This one gets Servo where he lives. He gasps, then sobs.)
Tom: Oh, no, I can't believe it! It's so sad! Who'd have guessed? Oh, and their little boy! And what will become of the dinner theater? (Mike tries to comfort Servo.)
Crow: Oh, good one, Nelson!
Mike (defensively, still comforting a sobbing Servo): It's like walking on eggshells with this guy.
Tom: Oh, eggshells!
(Crow shakes his head and walks away as Servo sobs uncontrollably. Mike still tries to comfort him as we go to Commercial Sign.)