Episode: 618- The Sword and the Dragon
Transcribed by S0lCrow@aol.com
(The Mads sit on a couch, putting comic books in plastic bags)
Frank: Clay, have you seen my X-Men #354?
Dr. F: Frank, you're breaking my concentration. I wanna get all my back issues of Starlog organized in time to tape tonight's episode of TekWars.
Frank (to himself): Oh, TekWars is on. That's right. (Doorbell rings.)
Dr. F: I wonder who that could be?
Frank (still mumbling, going to door): ...that's right, I forgot all about TekWars. We'll have to see... Tonight's episode's supposed to --(opens door; two cheerful-looking women enter.)
Bridget: Hi! I'm Bridget and this is my friend Mary Jo. We just moved in upstairs to Deep 12. We're neighbors!
Frank (horrified, running to couch): Ahhh!! Clay, there are girls here! Actual girls!!!
Dr. F (panicky, looking among his comic books for help): Uh, ah, uh, don't panic! Um, there must be some instructions on what to do. Somewhere...
Bridget (sitting next to Dr. F): Well, we introduced ourselves. Who are you?
Frank (lamely): I have lots of comic books. I keep them in plastic bags.
Bridget: Oh, yeah, I, heh, heh... [giggles]
Mary Jo: We haven't seen the laundry room. Do you know where it is?
Dr. F (attempting to look cool but looking petrified): Are we on a date? 'Cause it's okay if we're on a date. Uh, Frank and I have been on, uh, with Frank, yeah, uh... (takes comic book from Bridget, sets it down on table.)
Frank (lamely): Babylon 5 was on last night.
Bridget (attempting to be pleasant): Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it sur -- it was. Well I--
Dr. F (into the camera): Mike, you've got to help us. We're on a date down here. Could you, uh, provide us with some kind of entertainment? (Bridget sees him doing this and looks into the camera.
Crow: It just so happens I've written a topical, satirical review that we call--
Crow: Ha ha ha he he hoo!
Tom: (whispering instructions from behind the desk) Go, go, go! I got it, I got it, I got it! Okay, get out of the way!
Mike (dressed like Uncle Sam, singing):
I'm the government,
Tom: (appearing from behind the desk with paper money inside his bubble head, spoken as if reading from a scipt): Boy I tell you, it's not easy bein' the working man, but at least I've earned an honest day's wage and I can--
Mike: Thank you! (still dressed as Uncle Sam, he runs by and swipes the money.)
Mike (comes up from behind the desk in a baseball cap, spoken like a little child): Hello Mr. Senator. My daddy's out of work, and he says it's because of the deficit. So I saved some money in my piggy bank, and I'm going to give it to you to lower the deficit. If an 8 year old kid can save money, how come the government can't?
Tom: [singing] Honk honk!
Crow: Beep beep!
Crow and Tom: Government gridlock!
All: Honk honk!
Crow: Beep beep!
All: Government gridlock!
Tom: There's a traffic jam at the Congress intersection,
Crow: But the light is red unless there's an election!
Mike: Government sure can get tacky,
All: It's Supercalafragalistic-expialawacky!
(The Mads are laughing uproariously and applauding, the women, horrified, and skeedaddling)
Dr. F: Oh, ho ho ho! Ho, ho, was that a funny one. That was a stitch!
Frank: Is nothing sacred you guys?!
Dr. F: Oh, well Mike, your movie this week is called The Sword and the Dragon. We won't be watching it 'cause, uh, we're on a date.
Frank: Yeah, we're on a --(both notice the girls have left, they sag.)
Dr. F (downhearted, to Frank): Pass me "The Punisher"...
Frank: Better double bag this.
All: [singing] That's the Foreign Policy Blues! Ha Ha! (Movie sign.)
Mike: We got movie sign!
Crow: What about improv?
(and into door sequence)