Bit: Crow Goes Hollywood, Part 4

Episode 704- The Incredible Melting Man

Transcribed by Tim Walsh


(Crow is groaning nervously as Mike and Servo enter)

Mike: Hiya, Crow. Hey what's the matter, little Stroeheim?

Crow: Oh, hi guys. The focus group from the preview audience of my Earth Vs. Soup film is about to start. I'm too nervous. I'm going next door for a beer. (exits)

Tom Ok, hey! We don't have a next door!

Mike: Let him go.

[Deep 13]

(A "THE END" screen comes up on a film screen and Dr. F blows out candles below it. Zoom out to a roomful of people, who Dr. F addresses.)

Dr. F: All right, we've all just seen the film Earth Vs. Soup. How many people didn't like the film? (everyone raises their hands) Didn't like the fim, or just didn't care for it? By a show of hands? 1,2,3,4, all, all didn't like the film. OK. How many people did like the film (one hand goes halfway up) Cindy, you didn't like the film, and now you have your hand about halfway up, so maybe you liked the film a little bit, would that be correct? (Cindy nods) OK, we'll get back to that. What about the film didn't you like, you didn't care for? say, the plot, or...(someone raises his hand) Yes, Gary?

Gary: Uh, the plot?

Dr. F: The plot. Gary didn't like the plot. How many other people didn't like the plot, by a show of hands? (all hands go up) 1,2,3,4,5,6,7, so we all didn't like the plot. Why? What was it about the plot we didn't like? Doug, why didn't you like the plot?

Doug: I liked the plot. I just thought it was too short.

Dr. F: Ah, you thought it was too short. OK. What were your favorite characters from the film? If you had one favorite character, who would that character be? In the film you just saw, Earth Vs. Soup A favorite character such as Mike. (Cindy raises her hand) Cindy, yes.

Cindy: Mike.

Dr. F: Cindy liked Mike. How many other people liked Mike? (a couple hands go up) 1,2,3...3 people liked Mike, all right. How many people have an allergic reaction to shellfish? An allergic reaction or... (a few hands go up)

Tony: A mild reaction?

Dr. F: A mild reaction to shellfish. So, Tony, would this keep you from recommending this film to a friend?

Tony: Yes.

Dr. F: Yes, it would, because you don't like shellfish. You wouldn't want to see shellfish in a movie OK. What if the soup were a different kind of soup? Say it was a chicken stock, or...(a few hands) something, uh, would you recommend it to a friend if it was potato soup? (a few hands) OK, uh, Cindy, you had your hand--

Cindy: I don't like soup.

Dr. F: Oh, that's right, you're the one who didn't like soup. (Gary whispers to her, she giggles.) What's that, Gary? (Gary whispers to Dr. F.) Gary would like a sandwich. (All giggle.) How many would like to have seen Julia Ormond naked? (a few hands) 1,2,3,4, so about half, half would like to have seen Julia Ormond naked. If you had a rat cage strapped to your face...

(Pearl appears in front of the camera; Dr. F continues to ask questions and act out what he is asking as hands continue to go up.)

Pearl: (To Cambot) Again, guys, we've got a lot of work to do. We had 68% walk-outs, we have to get those numbers down. And 74% of the audience didn't like the character Cruella DeVille, and even though the character wasn't in the movie, we have to change those numbers. (exits)

Dr. F: Would you like to see more crackers in the film? The big kind of crackers or the small oyster crackers (a few hands)...

Gary: Saltines?

Dr. F: saltines, yes...