Bit: The Facts Of Life
Episode 811- parts: the clonus horror
(Mike and the 'bots are checking out the
activity down on the Camping Planet.]
Tom: Hey, what's going on down there Mike?
Mike: Well, the
kids asked Mrs. Forrester a, y'know, difficult question, so
they're having a serious talk. You know, "that" talk.
Ahh! Kirk vs. Picard, huh? Yeah,
that's a tough one! Man!
exactly. (He shakes his head at Crow.)
(Pearl, Bobo and Observer are talking to
the Space Children about the facts of life. Pearl is talking
Pearl: (embarrassed) Oh, the, uh, the facts of life. Um,
don't you kids get The Spice Channel, er....? (Darlene
shakes her head; pan over to Observer talking to Bobby.)
Observer: I, I, I
believe it was a mediocre sit-com of the 1980's starring
Charlotte Rae. (Bobby looks confused. Observer clears his
throat.) Anyway.....(Pan over to Bobo, counselling
Now, wouldn't ya rather have Tanta Bobo show ya how to use a
stick to catch some yummy, crunchy termites, hmmm?
his throat) OK, ok, here we go then..... (Pan back to
Observer and Bobby.)
when, when two brains love each other, they may decide they
want to share the same brain pan, as it were. And
then.....(Pan back to Pearl and Darlene. Pearl has lit up a
cigarette and is holding a cocktail.)
chick for herself.", them's the real facts o' life, cookie!
If he wants to dance, he's gonna have to pay the band. If he
wants to paint the house, he's gonna have to buy the enamel.
And the primer. And, you still might want to consider
(confused) Oh, Grandma Pearl, I don't know what you're
her reassuringly) I'm not sure I do either, Darlene. But, if
he wants to sod the lawn, he's got to........(Back to
Observer and Bobby.)
lad, love is kind and tender and delicate. The gentle
pleasures of two people connecting in love are many. Love is
a sort of, gossamer beauty. (sharply) But ignore it!
Thankfully, we've moved beyond that nonsense! Tch! (Over to
Bobo and Scooter.)
Bobo: Now, a
really good mate's gonna be able to outrun ya for a bit, but
just grab a hold of one leg, and hang on tight. You're gonna
get kicked, that's always part of it! Heh heh! And, an
advanced tool-user's probably gonna nail ya with a few
rocks. And, there are always rivals to fend off! That's why
we have the full charge. Now, I'm gonna demonstrate, so,
don't worry, don't be scared, just watch. (He rears back and
starts to pound on his chest.) GAAARRRRRRRR!!!!
ROARRRRRRRRRR!!!! (Scooter throws his baseball directly at
Bobo: (in great
pain) Ohhh! Good boy! You'll go far! (He crumples.)