Bit: Flavia and Pearl Exchange "Pleasantries"

Episode: 817- The Horror of Party Beach

Transcription by Daniel M.

[Roman Times]

(Callipygeas and BrainGuyus have just left leaving Flavia and Apearlo alone)

Flavia: Well!....

Pearl: You know, I really think I'm going to like it here. Say, be a dear and have one of your fellow servants bring up more lamb.

Flavia: Sure. You know, I find it so refreshing that a woman your age can still get blemishes. (Under her breath) It's cute.

Pearl (Staring in mock awe): Your plainness must afford you a peaceful anonymity. You're lucky.

Flavia: Tell me, is that pile of straw on your head easier to care for than REAL hair?"

Pearl: You! You are so brave to wear that. Even with all those black, goat hairs sticking out of all the moles on your back.

Flavia (giggles, obviously frustrated): Tell me, Is your husband so pale because you suck the lifeblood out of him!?

Pearl: (quickly): He's not my husband.

Flavia: Oh. Then you're barren. (Pouts)

Pearl: No...just selective! Must be fun to be a SLUT though!

Flavia (Giggles, obviously angry now): Not nearly as much fun as being a boozed up old HAG!

Pearl: That tears it!

(Pearl breaks the neck off a wine bottle, Flavia draws a dagger. Each stand and points their weapon to the other's neck. A small standoff ensues, then they subside and giggle to one another)

Flavia: ...heehee and to think...

Pearl: ...hehe 'n the wine bottle. Hee hee....SKANK!

Flavia: SKAG!

Callipygeas: (offscreen) Oh, Flavia! (He and Observer enter, chuckling) Flavia! The gods have deigned to stay with us...indefinately! Isn't it wonderful?

Callipygeas and Observer (together, sharing a joke): "BEEF!" (Pearl and Flavia exchange dirty looks)