Bit: Deep Space Dogfight

Episode: 820- Space Mutiny

Transcribed by Dan Newton


(Mike enters, stage right, holding a tiny teacup. He looks around, and sees that the 'bots aren't there.)

Mike: Ah, alone at last! (Sits down, placing teacup on table. There is a tiny, child-sized tea set, and a portable record player. Humming to himself, he places the tone arm down onto the record. Genteel, English garden style music plays. With much flair, he takes one, then two sugar cubes from the sugar bowl, and places them gently into the cup. Daintily, he raises the cup to his lips, when--the satellite is rocked by an explosion. Debris rain down on him. He looks around, shocked. What the hell?
Crow: (intercom voice) Kkkkk! Red normal, red normal, this is Goldilocks niner. I'm coming in, sucker. Prepare to die. Kkkkk!
Tom: (intercom voice) Oh yeah? Well, come get some! Another explosion. More debris on Mike and bridge.
Mike: Crow! Servo! What the Hell, Michigan is going on?
Crow: Kkkkk! I can't talk now, Mike. I'm locked in a death struggle with Servo. Kkkk!
Tom: Yeah, me too, Mike, only with Crow, over Kkkk!
Mike: Cambot, give me rocket number nine, will ya?

[Rocket #9]

(Two interstellar fighters appear, careening towards us. Sounds of weapons fire over the intercoms.)
Crow: Kkkk! Eat death, Servo!
Tom: Eat munchy, crunchy, chocolaty cocoa death, Crow! Kkkk!


(Mike is listening with growing concern.)

Crow: Kkkk! Enjoy a nice serving of Brown Betty with, death, but, but, but, mostly eat death! Kkkk!

[Rocket #9]

(The two ships hurtle towards the SOL.)


(Mike tries, again, to drink his tea. Another explosion. More debris.)

Mike: Crow? Servo? You guys be careful out there!
Crow: Kkkk! Oh, we won't, heh heh heh! Oooo! Ahhh! Ohhh! Servo, you just ripped a hole in my torso! Wheee!
Tom: Kkkk! Ohhh! Ahhh! Too late for me, hee hee! I just took a laser blast to the dome! Wahoo!
Mike: Fellas?
Tom: Well, should we augur these babies in?
Crow: After you.

[Rocket #9]

(The two ships power dive towards the SOL.)

Tom: I love you, Crow!
Crow: I'm sort of fond of you, Servo!


(Mike looks furtive. Massive explosion. Flames off-screen.)

Mike: (nervously)Crow? Servo? (pause) Fellas?

[Rocket #9]

(Twisted, burning wreckage of the two star craft embedded into the side of the SOL.)

Mike: (angry, hands on hips) OK now, this isn't funny any more!

(Crow and Servo enter, laughing. They are smoldering and heavily damaged, with gaping holes, pieces falling off, etc. )

Tom: Oh, lighten up Nelson! We're robots, remember?
Crow: Man, that was great!
Tom: Yeah!
Mike: So, where'd you get the spaceships?
Crow: Oh, you mean the hyperwarp escape shuttles which we just trashed?
Mike: Yeah. Yeah those.
Tom: Oh, they've been down in the hold, waiting for us to use them to escape and stuff like that.
Mike: (laughs)Oh, I see. So, don't you think we maybe should have used them, (angrily) for escape purposes?
Crow and Tom: (to each other) Huh? What's he on about?
Tom: Oh, you mean escape, from here?
Crow: Oh! Oh!
Tom: Oh jeez, how stupid of us Mike. Man!
Crow: Boy, is my face red! Uh, sorry Mike.
Mike: (bemused, to himself) We had escape pods, we didn't use them.
Tom: But wait, wait, wait. Isn't there just one more?
Crow: Oh yeah, Gypsy's got it out. She'll be along any second now.
Gypsy: (over intercom) For England! And the Queeeeen!
Crow: All right! Go for it, Gyps! (Mike ducks, throwing his arms over his head.)
Mike: We'll be right back.

(Fade out to explosion.)