Bit: The First Host Segment
Episode: K00- The Green Slime (unaired pilot)
(A black screen and space-age sounds [used
in the new shows as a background in the host segments]
replace the "Love Theme" we've all come to trust)
(Visual Credit fade in): MYSTERY SCIENCE
THEATRE(sic) 3000 (Credit fade out)
(Visual Credit fade in): WITH JOEL
HODGSON (Credit and sounds fade out)
(Fade in on an unrecognizable SOL. Joel
sits at the table with Crow on his right and Beeper on his
Crow: Do you think they can see us, Joel Hodgson?
Joel: Yeah, Crow,
the transmission light is on, isn't it?
Hodgson, it's the first time Beeper's been seen by a human
being. Uh, present company excluded, that is.
Joel: Listen, you
guys, I'm going for it. People of Earth, I am Joel Hodgson.
I am orbiting your planet on a man-made satellite of my own
design. Please tell your president I built these robots.
They are also of my own design. Also tell him that I don't
like his TV shows very much, except for maybe some of the
early "Death Valley Days".
Joel: Uh, I
present this invention to your planet. It is to aid all
races, especially people who are suffering from back and
neck and pelvis injuries. It's called the chiropractic
helmet. I'll demonstrate.
(From under the table, Joel pulls out the
device and puts it on his head. It looks like a bucket with
a crank on top and the effect that the user's head is doing
360 degree turns. Crow and Beeper also demonstrate [or try
to] their head-twisting talents in response.)
Beeper, you don't understand. The human beings on Earth
can't twist their heads around like we can, unless maybe
they went to college to study to become ventriloquists
dummies or something.
Joel: What'd he
Crow: He said
being a human being must be a rush.
over Beeper) Oh, yeah. It is. (Lights flicker)
over Beeper) Hey. Sounds like the theatre's opening up. You
guys better get outta here. (Crow and Beeper leave. To
Cambot) I'll see you on the other side. (Slaps a set of
buttons on the table and leaves)