Bit: Mike Breaks the Hubble
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie
Transcribed by Robott12@aol.com
(with an assist by Kinlin Slingthrower)
(Mike and the bots are walking to the bridge)
Crow: That Cal fella, what a maroon! Who'd be stupid
enough to give him his own laboratory or let him fly a jet?
Tom: I like Joe.
Mike: Yeah, and if it were me flying that baby
and I had a low altitude flameout like that, I'd just reduce my elevators, dip the nose and fire up the engines.
Tom: You don't know how to fly!
Mike: Sure I do I'm fully instrument-rated for
Microsoft Flight Simulator.
Crow: Well then why don't you fly the Satellite
Mike: What this thing? No, I can't do that you
see (Tom and Crow start squawking like chickens) there's no air foil so there's no ability to turn when you're
up in the... (notices what tom and crow are doing) all right you two. Spread out, spread out.
(On the bridge, Gypsy's at the steering wheel and wearing a sailor's hat)
Gypsy (singing): What do ya do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning! Hay-ho and up she-- (Mike enters)
Mike: Okay out baby, out.
Gypsy: Well don't come crying to me when you
get us all killed! (Gypsy leaves.)
Mike: Yeah, right. (Looks at a gauge, which
seems extemely easy to understand.) Hey, this is going to be easier then I thought. (Starts up engine and begins
driving. Suddenly there is a crash and everyone falls forward.)
Tom: We need some help!
Crow: Hey Mike, you hit something! (rushes to
a window) It's the hubble! You killed the hubble!
[ROCKET #9] (shot of the hubble crunched onto the SOL)
Mike: Gypsy, could you please get that--
Gypsy: Uh-Uh. No Way! This is you're dishwashing
liquid! You soak in it! (She leaves again.)
Mike: Ah! The manipulator arms! (Mike presses
a button and two gloves pop out of the desk and two mechanical arms pop out of the side of the SOL. Mike uses gloves
to control arms.)
Tom: Carefully... carefully.
Crow: That's it! That's it!
Tom: It costs 6 billion dollars. Remember that.
Crow: Hope you're insured, Mike! (Mike pauses
to wipe some sweat off his forehead causing the arms to rip out some of the Hubble's wires.)
Crow and Tom: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Tom: Don't do that!
Mike: Ahh! Sorry! (Mike finally get the hubble
off the ship) Now I'll just release gently like a bird into the night sky.
Crow: Good night, sweet hubble. And a flight
of angels sing thou to thy rest. (The Hubble floats momentarily, then plummets and everyone gasps. Mike and the
bots watch crash and explode.) Oh good one Mike!
Mike: Well how could it do that? It couldn't
possibly... (Movie sign goes off)
Tom: Oh great! And now we have movie sign!
Gypsy: Go on! I'll take care of this. (to cambot)
Crow and Tom (singing): Mike broke the hubble! Mike broke the hubble!