And those that survived the Sandy Frank holocaust had to take MST3K deep underground into a dark world… of secret societies that would meet in so-called “laugheasies” in heavily soundproofed basements and catacombs to screen and discuss eps .. of digitized episodes illegally copied onto flash drives smuggled from city to city and country to country… of teams of Fahrenheit 451-style memorists that would commit entire subject films and riffing and host segments to memory..
The question is: How would these underground MSTies identify each other? What would the secret handshake be, what kinds of things might they wear to identify each other in clear but not too obvious ways, what would the passwords and counter-signs be…
MSTie 1: yes, what do you want?
MSTie 2. the golden spider duck sent me
MSTie 1. and when the floor waxer explodes?
MSTie 2. Lump Batchmuffin screams like a little girl.
And the door opens…Two strangers make eye contact on a crowded bus…
MSTie 1: That is a nice button on your jacket
MSTie 2: Would you like to push it?
MSTie 3: Frankly, yes.
And a package discreetly changes hands.They would casually whistle “California Lady” while reading in the park. They would subtly drop double “the”s into their conversation while wearing handkerchiefs on their head… and so on.
MSTie 1: The forklift is deadly tonight.
MSTie 2: And Captain Joe is drunk again.
I’ll let you go with it from there…
) to help our users cope with "trolls" and other commenters whom they find annoying. Go to our
I would look for opportunities to refer to people by ironic nicknames drawn from old-fashioned TV serials. If they respond in kind, I would continue doing so until one of us calls the other “McCLOUD!” And then perchance we would discuss food, eating, and the theater.
The obvious one is from The Quest of the Delta Knights:
MSTie 1: It’s a nice day
MStie 2: It’s always a nice day when it doesn’t rain
Mstie 1: But, only if it’s not too hot.
It worked during the renaissance festival, and it just might work again.
A woman knocks on the door of an underground laugheasy wearing two kinds of plaid.
Guard says: “That’s a fashion no-no, dear.”
Response: “I’m celebrating my grandmother’s new hobby of skydiving.”
MStie 1: Hi, I’m David Warner.
MStie 2: Hey, I’m ALSO David Warner!
Be careful, that’s sharp.
Not as sharp as a Starfighter’s wing.
One: “I would like some ham”
Two: “You’re a dummy, full of sawdust”
MSTie 1 – Are you Arapaho?
MSTie 2 – I’m Cherokee, Jack.
MSTie 1 – Jiminy, if only I can get a ride in one of those.
MSTie 2 – You like my ride? It’s the “Extension of my Manhood” car.
So, anybody up for a Joe Don Baker film festival? wink wink.
MSTie 1 = Gentle Pressure.
MSTie 2 = Why don’t they look?
The passwords for the laugheasies would have to be known to Msties but baffling to outsiders, and change on a regular basis-a few that come to mind are Hikeeba, Kenny, Timmy, Tibby, “We are filled with shame”, Jerry, Sylvia, Tor, Lobo, Trumpy, BGC-19, Cherokee Jack, “I’ve got to hurry”, Frank’s “EEEYUCKAYOOO” noise, Ortega, etc..
I would say the knee test for the handshake might be too noticable.
Insignia rings featuring the Gizmonic G, Deep 13 or Castle Forrester logos would be good for Casablanca settings. Actually, I want the Gizmonic one right now!
I think a visual symbol would be a useful start…say, a turtle pendant or a lapel pin. Then the question:
MST 1: Does your turtle dance go-go?
MST 2: Yes. He’s feeling really good.
The man in the Rommel hat sees the woman in the gold lame pants, and appoaches.
Man: Nice day.
Woman: Yes, although I was looking at that one little cloud and wondering if it might rain.
Man: Yes, I guess we all see things according to our own moods and perspectives.
Woman: You know, every day of my life, I become more and more convinced, that the wisest and best is to fix our attention on the good, and the beautiful, if you just take time to find it.
Man: You’re some woman, MaKonnen.
WHAT??????????
Option 1:
“Blast Hardcheese.”
“Bob Johnson.”
Option 2:
“Put your helmet on.”
“We’ll be reaching speeds of three.”
Option 3:
“Let’s do it.”
“This is sudden.”
“I’m a friend of Art.”
Mstie #1 “So…Eh then, Eh?”
Mstie #2 “Rowsdower!”
MSTie 1: How do you like your stew?
MSTie 2: With chicken, corn, green peppers, chili, and onions.
A more covert and socially passable way to help hide your nerdom away is through the seemingly harmless, quite common habit of singing to one’s self.
MSTie1: Hummm diddy hee hee…
MSTie2: Hooah hooah.
(OR)
MSTie1: Pooh–mah-man…
MSTie2: …He flies like a moron.
If the proper response is elicited you could then say “Oh no! Mrs. Burke? I thought you were Dale!” just so both parties are absolutely sure of each other.
Catch phrases to code is the easy part: “Want some?” “Thank you, won’t you?” “Shut up, Iris!”
I think the subtle wardrobe accoutrements are the more interesting problem – especially because I imagine that INaMIaP’s dystopia would have some sort of nightmarish dress code. I think of things like a Frank- ish forelock curl, but that’s a little too likely to happen naturally, which could lead a MSTie into embarrassing or dangerous exchanges. Chinderware and Jiffy-Pop disguises are probably too obvious. Maybe a secret mark like the Grail protectors in Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade? Chest Bats, anyone?
A misty evening and a man slouching in a closed shop doorway, collar up and hat pulled down. He is approached by another man and he quietly sings “I sing whenever I sing, whenever I sing…” The man stops, steps his right foot up on a hydrant and a connection is born.
This is the very reason God created T-Shirts.
I’d keep it simple by using “Torgo’s Theme” or the “Love Theme From MST3K” as my ringtone. If someone recognizes either one, there you are!
I do love #20’s suggestion too.
MST 1: You like “boot-blacking”?
MST 2: I LIKE IT VERY MUCH!
MSTie 1: Thong, the fish is ready.
MSTie 2: This is where the fish lives.
MSTie 1: That’s a nice car.
MSTie 2: Mind if I skip rocks across it?
MSTie 1: Potatoes are what we eat.
MSTie 2: Little, winged potatoes.
MSTie 1: I hear Kathy Ireland has a new line at K-mart
MSTie 2: Dull surprise.
MST 1: “Do you like coffee?”
MST 2: “I’m Cherokee Jack.”
MST 1: “Water…thirsty…sick man…”
MST 2: “Things you say in prison!”
MST 1: “Shove off.”
MST 2: “YOU shove off!”
MSTie #1: “Ki-Keeba!”
MSTie #2: *giving the okay sign* It stinks!
MSTie 1: My tires are filled with water.
MSTie 2: Watch out for snakes.
MSTie #1: That’s enough. Normal View.
MSTie #2: NORMAL VIEW! NORMAL VIEW! NORMAL VIEW! NORMAL VIEEEEEEEEEEEEW!
MSTie1:Hikeeba!
MSTie2:You hit Big Jake!
The secret code could be:
MSTie 1: I wonder if there’s beer on the sun?
MSTie 2: But there’s a mantis in my pantis.
You may pass.
Reciting the contents of Tom Servo’s underwear collection, of course…
MSTie 1: Did you break a beaker over there??? Phew!!
MSTie 2: Oh bite me, it’s fun!
MSTie1: Do you prefer stuffing or potatoes?
MSTie2: Potatoes are what *we* eat!
or
MSTie1: Whatcha been up to lately?
MSTie2: I’ve just been out, on the street, doing things.
MSTie1: Oh, no. Not *things*.
“Watch out for snakes!”
MSTie 1 – He’s pretty good.
MSTie 2 – Good ? …… He’s the BEST!!!!
or
MSTie 1 – I’m so sleepy I can barely keep awake.
MSTie 2 – Time for go to bed.
This is an obvious one…
MIStie #1: Would you like some coffee?
MIStie #2: Coffee?! I LIKE coffee!!!!
They’d probably catch on to that one after a while though.
Or…
MIStie #1: Rex Dart…
MIStie #2: Eskimo Spy…
#1: “Sampo”
#2: “Ray Nitschke?!?”
MSTie#1: I’m takin’ hair, Frank!
MSTie#2: How ’bout those Twins?
#1: Mitchell!
#2: Miller!
(Passerby who overhears conversation but is hip to the scene) Well hey, it’s Mitchell!
—
How about a segment themed one?
#1: Hey, I want my socks back!
#2: Noooo Mike’s socks! (whistle optional)
The TRUE “underground” MSTies identify themselves by Joel references. :)
(And a sad, persecuted, underground lot we are.)
Join us…
It’s always a nice day if it doesn’t rain.
If the sun isn’t too warm.
So you’re Delta Knight too, huh?
It would sound like nonsense to anyone else, but the right people will get it.
The Delta Knights one is good, but Mitchell would be my first choice.
Joel: The spotted cuckoo bird is flying backwards…
Crow: It’s a cold day for pontooning.
#1: Where did you used to live?
#2: Circle Pines, MN.
MSTie 1 – “Time for go to bed.”
Uninitiated person – “You’re insane spouting that nonsense.”
MSTie 2 – “The right people will get it.”
MSTie knocks on the door of the secret club:
“Mister Beardsley!” People walking by wonder why she keeps knocking and calling for Mister Beardsley.
“I’m only going to call for you 50 more times!”
People wonder why she just can’t believe that he’s not in there.
Finally the door opens.
And elsewhere–
MSTie one: “Are you like me?”
MSTie two: “I know I am!”
Well, we would have special, semi-secret bars with names like ‘Cherokee Jack’s’ and ‘The Valley Lodge’ where we’d dance to ‘Everything I Touch Turns To Gold’ and someone would be on duty to flick the lightswitch on and off if a cop shows up. (Nosferatu! No, wait, wrong cult favorite TV show.) Then we’d all quickly hide our robot puppets and a woman hired for the purpose would walk around pretending to mingle.
Codewords:
“Are you a friend of Crow’s?”
“Richard?” “Basehart.”
“Joel.” “Mike.” “Joel.” “Mike.” ‘JOEL…” “MIKE….” “JOOOOOOEEEEELLL!” “MIKEMIKEMIKE!”
MSTie 1: Is that Stud coming?
MSTie 2: Yes, that’s his boat.
MSTie 1 : Have you heard about Johnny Longtorso?
MSTie 2 : Yeah, he comes in pieces.
Well, the Delta Knights exchange gets my vote, but this would be my second choice:
1: Koo-ee-tara!
2. High! High!
Mrs. Gummo suggested:
1: Watch out for snakes!
2: ROXXXXXIE!