Warning, Warning: Personal opinion ahead. Your milage is welcome to vary.

“Whatever, Martha!” debuted on the Fine Living Network tonight. I had already figured it was going to be bad. It’s much worse.

As previously noted, the hosts of the show are Stewart’s daughter, Alexis, and Jennifer Koppelman Hutt, who is apparently a pal of Alexis’. She’s also the daughter of Charles Koppelman, the chairman of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia. In the show, this pampered, bratty pair sit on an opulent set, look at a giant flat-screen TV showing segments of Martha’s TV show “Martha Stewart Living,” and make catty comments. It’s vaguely reminiscent of MST3K, of course, and Martha herself invoked the show (somewhat disingenuously) when she described it to The New York Times. And I suppose it’s sort of a perverse tribute to how accepted and universal the riffing premise has become.

Actually, this show is far more reminiscent of “Cheap Seats”–with one crucial difference: “Cheap Seats” was funny. The riffs here are mostly what the Brains used to call “state park” jokes. They’re simply describing (and chortling cattily about) what they’re seeing. There’s not a hint of wit. Their comments are also profane and shrill, and every time these two open their mouths, they reveal what sheltered, hot-house flowers they are. These two make Paris and Nicole seem down-to-Earth.

Worse, Alexis has no compunction about bringing up private disputes and issues she has with her mother. Now, I’m sure Martha and Alexis have issues. All mothers and daughters do, and stony Martha and her spoiled brat kid can hardly NOT have them. But how is airing their dirty laundry funny? It feels less like comedy and more like a therapy exercise. The result is that Alexis manages what few people could do: she makes Martha a sympathetic figure.

Hmmm… Martha approved this project. Is this Martha’s secret plan to humanize herself? We’re through the looking glass here, people.

Jennifer’s animus toward Martha is less creepy, but just as graceless. It’s clear her pampered lifestyle is possible, at least to some extent, thanks to the revenue generated by Martha’s many far-flung enterprises. How ungracious is it to cackle meanly at her benefactor? The longer you watch this, the worse an idea it seems.

Every once in a while, some critic or observer of MST3K will make the bold statement that he or she can or has made funnier riffs than the ones the Brains did. I’ve always likened this to the guy who sits in the stands of a major league baseball game, looks at the players and thinks, “I could do that!” If he ever actually had to face down a 95 mile-per-hour fast ball with 30,000 people watching him, he might discover it’s not so easy.

It’s possible Jennifer and Alexis may eventually have that realization–that is, if they ever find themselves outside of their cushioned little world and find out what real people think.

Just my $0.02.