With Disney seemingly determined to own every intellectual property in the world, it is only a matter of time before they acquire the rights to some of our favorite MST3K films. So our discussion is “How would Disney remake a movie featured on MST3K?”
I foresee an animated musical of “Robot Monster” with Ro-Man belting out show stoppers like “To LIIIIIIIIVE like the hu-maaaaan! To BEEEEEEEEE the hu-maaaaan!” and “I MUUUST! But I CANNOOOOOOT!” It all has a happy ending, with Ro-man and the humans living in peace after the Great Guidance is destroyed in typical Disney fashion by falling off a cliff.
I see a Disney Channel series on Batwoman. It’ll run five seasons.
Your choice?
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I envision a mixed animation and live action remake of Boggy Creek II in the style Song of the South with Old Man Crenshaw in the Uncle Remus role complete with animated and oh so cute Little Creatures dancing about to merry tunes like “Tendin’ To My Fires” and the love song “A Man’s Kind of Woman”.
Instead of the heart-stoppingly scary monster movie that we all know as The Creeping Terror, Disney could remake it into a Herbie the Love Bug comedy. Martin and Brett could receive Herbie as a wedding gift, and after much wackiness at the dance hall and the folk singer picnic, Herbie and one of the carpet monsters fall in love. But wait! No one knows there are TWO monsters, identical of course, and there’s misunderstanding and mix-ups galore when Herbie confuses the new monster with his honey. Luckily Deputy Barney is there to help straighten out the situation, and it ends with both carpet monsters leaving for home, but promising to write their new earth friends. Herbie is sad for a while, but Dr. Bradshaw offers to introduce him to Sam Casey and Buffalo Bill, and maybe join the race circuit.
Can’t wait for the sequel, Herbie Rides with Death.
i could see ‘I Accuse My Parents’ done in a ‘Fantasia-esque’ manner. starts out with animated Jimmy talking to some classmates and segues into a series of animated adventures where Jimmy’s saving the world, fighting Nazis in his blimp etc. done in the original format of different animators and a classical score. in the end we see a beaten and bruised Jimmy surrounded by hulking bulldog gangsters when Mickey Mouse pops out from behind a crate and says ‘ha-ha Looks like you won the I got the crap kicked out of me contest ha-ha.’
I dunno, but “Torgo: a Manos Story” is what immediately came to mind.
If we could go back in time, I could totally see a Disney version of “Teenagers from Outer Space,” starring America’s favorite beach blanket teens, Frankie Avalon and (former Mouseketeer) Annette Funicello. A group of cleancut teen boys stumble across the wreckage of the starship TORCHA, and lead their outer space peers on a wacky chase into town. The most pacifist TfOS, played by Frankie, gets a room in the home of lovely Annette and her kindly, bumbling grandfather, played by Walter Brennan. Frankie describes his plan to raise giant lobsters to Annette & Grandpa, and they think it’s a great idea but they don’t have any money to start the venture. What to do?!? Suddenly, Annette has the wonderful idea to PUT ON A SHOW to raise the cash. Earth teens and outer space teens come together for a musical extravaganza that raises enough cash to invest in a lobster ranch, plus enough left over to get Grandpa some life-saving surgery. At the end, Frankie puts the moves on Annette, who says, “Oh, no — not without a ring, you don’t!,” which sets up the sequel, “Teenagers from Outer Space In Love.”
p.s. In this version, Sparky the dog does NOT, definitely does NOT, get skeletonized.
Tormented as a wacky comedy: little Sandy bonds with Vi’s mischievous ghost and together they teach Tom the real meaning of love. Highlight of the musical score is Vi’s disembodied head singing the saucy “No One Will Ever Love You As Much As Me” on the side table. Lots of hilarious slapstick involving the blind housekeeper (Vi really does lead her through the broken railing, her seeing-eye dog really does see a kitty on the beach . . . ). There’s a happy ending, of course, with Vi standing in as Meg’s maid of honor, and the blackmailing milkman singing the swingin’ closing number at the reception.
but there was no monster show…
With his status as Friend of All Children, Gamera already has a foot in the potential Disneyfication process.
Hobgoblins, The Musical!
It could be reinvented as one of Disney’s teen musicals that has sixteen sequels, dreamy teen guys and gals, and choreographed musical numbers.
You could even have Fantasia as a steamy, sultry principal, old man McCreary as the school security guard, and Kevin as a whiny, sex-starved gym teacher.
Hmmm….
How about a Disney-fied version of the original “Gamera”? In this one, Gamera is a big, somewhat bumbling prehistoric turtle who doesn’t know his own strength. He knocks down buildings, but accidentally. He doesn’t cause anyone to die; he merely causes a few hassles. (“He crushed my car! I still owe on that loan!”) And the military (led by General not-Curley) is equally bumbling, with every shot missing non-lethally. As for Kenny, he’s no longer a mentally-disturbed, self-destructive loner. She (did I mention Kenny’s now a girl?) is just misunderstood and a bit lonely. And there’s a conniving tycoon who wants that nice turtle killed as part of a money-making scheme, but fails and gets hauled off to jail by the cops for being a crook and a jerk. In the end, Gamera is airlifted to his own island, where Kenny and her family will also live happily ever after. And there are songs that get Oscar nominations.
And, coming to home video, “Gamera II: Search and Rescue”.
Didn’t see your comment while I was writing up mine.
Magic Sword and At the Earth’s Core are pretty Disney-esque.
Also Jack Frost is 3-4 folk tales mashed together.
Maybe Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonder
Pod People could be reworked as a Lilo and Stitch-like heart-warming adventure. Although whatever flavor of the month band they would get to fill in for the terrible band in the film would likely also be terrible.
How about an educational and informative show featuring Mr. B Natural? Sort of like Bill Nye the Science Guy in the 90’s. Every musical instrument ever made gets it’s own episode. Mr.B can tell you the history, how it’s made, and also how to play the instrument.
Looking down the list, I realize a lot of these movies wouldn’t take much alteration to turn them into Disney-worthy.
“Starfighters”? Make it into a “Planes” sequel, losing the pesky humans.
“Beast of Hollow Mountain”? Keep everybody alive.
“Mac and Me”? Change McDonald’s to whatever restaurant chain Disney owns.
“A Case of Spring Fever”? Replace the pro-springs sermon with more wacky hi-jinks.
“Final Justice”? Well…um…uh… I’ll have to think that one over.
Actually, that sounds like a darn good idea.
The scene in The Sword and the Dragon where Ilya’s wife is making the tablecloth is already pretty Disney-esque.
“Carnival Magic! The Series” Is a retelling of the original as one of those godforsaken Disney Channel tween shows. Stoney has an extra younger son who shout-talks half of his lines and mugs for the camera while the laugh track goes off. His best friend, Alex (Markov is reduced to a side role), is a talking monkey who gets into wild hijinks and gets applause every time he gets on camera. Meanwhile, David and Bud keep Stoney from wacky get-rich-quick schemes. Bud gets a song every episode and a life lesson from Aunt Kate.
The second season introduces the vivisecting doctors as bumbling idiots who get their own spinoff movie.
well, they’ve already done Herc…
and now that they’ve destroy- i mean acquired ‘Star Wars’, Rocky Jones and Fugitive Alien can’t be far behind.
Oh, and “Mac and Me 2” is a direct-to-video cheapquel with none of the original actors. Eric (who clearly has never maneuvered a wheelchair in his life) sings a duet with Mac. The next door girl finds her own alien and they have to do the plot from the first movie – she’s gunned down by the FBI and brought back to life during the final song and dance number.
And since McDonald’s refuses to pony up the big dance scene is done in a Sbarro.
Actually, I’ve always believed that all of the “Russo-Finnish Troika” (+ Jack Frost) represents a Russo-Soviet attempt to out-Disney Disney using native folklore in an American-style show-biz treatment. That would help to explain the overall over-the-topness of so much in those films. (And also, along with the bad dubbing/dubious translating, the reason why the MSTie treatment thereof has never really bothered me, even though I’m an East European Studies professional.)
That being said, how ’bout a new Mickey Mouse Club with the Day the Earth Froze trolls/dwarfs as the Mousekateers?
Or, a Killer Shrew Club with a group of sullen, alcoholic, grown-up Shrewkateers?
One more:
Catalina Caper is re-imagined at a SUPER SERIOUS prestige television shows only streamed on Amazon Prime or HBO. It’s presented out of order, lots of actors who were famous in the 90s, nudity, everyone hates each other or lies a lot, ironic use of 60s music, and it all happens on a boat during a heist.
Little Richard is still high as a kite, tho.
My pick would be Star Crash!
Disney could make it up to be almost like Star Wars but not really and then they’d…oh wait. They already started doing this with the sequel trilogy. Hm. Nevermind.
Hamlet, but with African animals and music by Elton John.
How about reimagining “The Killer Shrews” as the series “Those Darn Shrews!” They don’t kill anybody; they just get into wacky hi-jinks. They’re all cute as a button. They were created on the island, and stow away on board Capt. James Best’s boat. So he decides to keep them, leading all sorts of hilarity. Not-Festus is there as the bad guy who wants to capture them, put them in a sideshow, etc. First Mate Dixieland Jazz serves as comic relief. Oh, and the Shrews can talk. And there’s a Christmas special which rips-off “It’s a Wonderful Life”.
Thursdays at 9 on the Disney Channel.
As a kid Lady & the Tramp was my favorite Disney film. Using that film as a plot format I would do a “Little Mermaid and Dr. Z, Loving Lovers”. Of course the film ballad “Loving Lovers Love” would be performed by Pearl and Brain Guy.
“The Adventures of Troy and Zap”, of course.
is it possible that the monsters would ALL get complete costumes if they did ‘attack of the the eye creatures?’
How about “Old Yongary”? It’s the story of a very annoying little boy who befriends a giant, misunderstood monster who gets into trouble without meaning to. They have a heartwarming friendship, but Yongary is badly hurt defending the boy from a bad guy monster. Yongary is in agony, and the boy’s scientist father tells him that they have no choice but to put him out of his misery with an ammonia compound. The boy insists on pushing the firing button himself, and, in an utterly heartbreaking scene, Yongary dies. But, in an uplifting twist, another monster rises from the Earth and starts innocently wreaking havoc in South Korea. The boy names him “Young Yongary” and all is well.
Featuring a cameo by Tommy Kirk as the sympathetic U.S. ambassador. Now playing on a double-bill with “Santa Clause: The Martian Conquest Clause”.
The poster just airbrushes itself, dunnit?
The golf cart comin’ at ya head on, on two wheels, tilted about 35 degrees to your left, with Kevin and Mr. McCreedy smiling broadly in the front seat, and the rest of the krazy krew somehow standing up in the back at odd angles, everyone on the wacky road to the Old Film Vault of Mystery, Excitement, and Fun!
Of COURSE the dog gets skeletonized.
But because of the magic of friendship and the Good Magic of stern but kindly Spacecraft Captain, he also becomes Sparkly, the happy, tail-wagging, leaves-a-trail-of-spangles sidekick who makes everybody laugh!
Then, after a couple of one-shots on The New Mickey Mouse Club, Sparkly takes a well-earned retirement. In 2017, the beloved Glitter Pooch is persuaded to come back for a small but spotlit cameo in “Coco.”
The Day the Money Machine Froze –
In Disney’s version the Sampo is a device that churns out new releases of classic productions every seven years in whatever the latest format happens to be along with a shining river of licensed related products such as Ilmarinen action figures.
Manos, the Hands of Fate, Disneyfied, 1994 version. Margaret isn’t some shrinking violet of a housewife, she’s of a saucy, independent woman, probably played by Jamie Lee Curtis. Michael is a bozo. Debbie is fourteen, and smarter than her parents. Her relationship with both is strained. Torgo has difficulty walking and an unusual accent, but that’s only so everyone will dislike him before discovering that he has a heart of gold. Debbie didn’t want to go to Valley Lodge in the first place, she had more significant things to do back in town. The car breaks down in front of the house (It is, after all, a Ford.) Michael asks for help, and Torgo, sweetheart that he is, takes them in. After all, the Master has not arisen in six years, why would he do so tonight? Then random pointless stuff happens with no bearing on the actual plot, the Master hits on Margaret, then he hits on Debbie. In the end, it turns out that Margaret and Debbie are BOTH witches with mystical power, and they end up unseating The Master and freeing his wives, all while building a stronger mother/daughter bond based on mutual self respect. Law enforcement shows up (token women and minorities on the force) to rescue Torgo and the Wives from their captivity. (Turns out Torgo was picked up off the street in Guatemala at the age of seven and held as a slave ever since.) Everyone is walking around with a blanket over their shoulders because everyone always has a blanket over their shoulders at the end of these movies. But Michael (dweeb that he is) finds The Master’s amulet of power and is zapped with visions of rebuilding the cult. The End. Don’t miss “Manos II: The New Master” coming to theaters this holiday season.
This WDT is depressing for me.
I can’t stand Disney.
I despise Robert Iger and I loathe Michael Eisner. Each has/had his own take on dominating the whole world with corporate branding, monopolization, and greed.
In better news, Rifftrax is having a sale. Get 15% off riffs this President’s Day Weekend. Use coupon code FOUNDERS.
Also, according to Bill on Twitter, there’s going to be an announcement about the Rifftrax Live events soon.
Code Name: Diamond Head. The titular character is a saucy native Hawaiian woman who busts an environmental criminal every week. Offshore oil platforms with sub-standard blowout preventers, pineapple plantations using unapproved pesticides, shady pushcart vendors selling sunscreen with oxybenzone, scientists building telescopes on sacred land, tourists cutting switchbacks on trails … .
i would like to see on the Disney Channel an animated ‘Outlaw of Gor.’
now what would really make it work for me as a running gag would be Whatley getting snuffed each episode ala Kenny from South Park.
‘oh no! they killed Whatley!’ ‘yay?’
With Disney into Marvel Comics now, they could go after other superhero franchises. The two that come to mind first are:
Prince of Space! It already has lots of Disney elements – orphaned children, humble hero, diabolical villain who talks way too much, fantasmical physical features of the chicken-men of Krankor. All it needs are better special effects, Tim Rice songs, and of course, undergarments.
The Puma Man! What young, impressionable adolescent male wouldn’t want a costume, movie, and video game of his favorite action hero, endowed with all the flying powers of the puma. (And the trousers could double for school uniforms!) And the sidekick fits all the PC vibes of the present age – member of a non-Caucasian, oppressed race who exhibits more wisdom and intestinal fortitude than the hero himself, and spouts mystical sayings from his venerated culture! The great music is already written for them – “Puma Man, oh when will he find love?” As Donald Pleasence is no longer available, I think Bruce Willis is now bald enough to take on that role.
Then again, what about a Disney Gamera, reset to the American Northwest, no resemblance to any of the previous plots, and Gamera with green CGI fur?
Or Tim Burton doing a new CGI-heavy no-resemblance remake of Eegah!, with the accent on how “misunderstood” Eegah is in the happy, perfect 50’s teen-town nearby? (With Eva Green as the evil museum owner who wants to capture Eegah for a million-dollar touring exhibit.)
Iger was initially a breath of fresh air after Michael Eisner–Going from “Chicken Little” to getting Oswald the Rabbit back and then putting the Pixar Guy in charge of the works, it just seemed too good to be true.
And by the time we had Iger “forcing” sequels on Pixar (Bob, there is no reason to do “Toy Story 4”, anniversary-marketing be darned), now fans are starting to feel like it was. Iger’s the one last obstacle to “Song of the South” on disk, and every time we start a retirement-countdown, he keeps moving the date.
And you can tell how many still can’t let their 90’s Eisner-grudges go by the amount of “Musical” jokes we get in this thread. Jeffrey Katzenberg beat his 90’s “Lion King” attention into the ground, and it was ten years before musicals could get a decent bit of respect again. The Hunchback/Pocahontas-inflicted wounds went deep.
Actually, the Sampo is now the Million-Dollar Duck, with Dean Jones as Ilmarinen. (Oh, now, I’M doing 70’s Ron-Miller jokes!)
Just so long as they don’t rip off any more 60’s Boomer-era Japanese cartoons because those were the only “anime” that the old-fogey studio execs had heard of, I’m fine.
(Seriously, how have things been in that plastic bubble since the 90’s? I didn’t even remember https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQsQqOlPjhs until the other anime fans caught Katzenberg red-handed, and nobody’s used Jeff’s dog-ate-my-homework “Hamlet” alibi since the Clinton era!)
“With a toot, and a whistle, and a plunk, a boom, and a Happy-King dance, that’s where the music comes from…”
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iVf0pPHvjc , for those whose elementary-school music classes grew up without.)
Zap Rowsdower and Troy on adventures ala early 90s “Ducktales” and “Rescue Rangers” with elements of “Goof Troop” and “Bonkers” in that Troy often gets on Zap’s nerves with his youthful wackiness, but Zap can’t bring himself to get rid of the kid.
Lot’s of good answers here. The Russo-Finnish films seem natural animation remakes as they are almost live action cartoons to begin with, especially The Day the Earth Froze with all the talking inanimate objects and general wackiness. In fact, now that I think of it, Loony Tunes might be a better fit.
Endoplasmic Reticulum seems to have read my mind and telegraphed my idea of a Manos remake where Torgo is the main character (he almost is in the original) and he turns out to be a good guy who rescues the stupid family. Possibly by destroying the painting of the Master and breaking the evil spell that had been keeping him and the wives mesmerized and in the Master’s control. All of the former Manos wives are smitten with Torgo who spends the next movie dating them all while trying to decide which one he should marry. Debbie who is wise beyond her years drops by to give him occasional advice.
Personally, I’d like to see “Song of the South” end up on DVD, as long as it’s a remastered edition that includes loads of historical content, and acknowledges and explores the controversy in a fair manner.
And I remember seeing “Million Dollar Duck” back when I was a kid. It was during the summer, and it was at the late, lamented Capitol Theater in Honesdale, PA. I suddenly feel rather old.
Kenneth Morgan:
From Wikipedia:
“Million Dollar Duck was one of three movies that film critic Gene Siskel walked out on during his professional career, the other two being the 1980 horror film ‘Maniac’ and the 1996 comedy film ‘Black Sheep.’ Roger Ebert described the film as ‘one of the most profoundly stupid movies I’ve ever seen.’”
Mitchell is a mall security guard. The movie begins with a mystery: who is leaving garbage next to the dumpster. He has a friend who is a slightly faded but still pretty hot middle aged woman. He boosts her confidence by listening to her concerns. While staking out the dumpster in his humorously compact patrol car he meets a kid who asks him what he’s doing. He tells the the kid life lessons and stories about his childhood. The kid goes away enriched. Then Mitchell discovers who is scattering trash: It’s a whole family of raccoons! Two adult raccoons and four little baby raccoons! They’re so cute and mischievous and cuddly. Mitchell tells the nice lady, who it turns out is a wildlife management specialist, and she takes them to a wilderness where they can live and play without having to raid dumpsters.
Since Disney now owns The Muppets [something I’m not exactly thrilled about but have come to accept] maybe they can visit the Satellite or the moon base? Gonzo can certainly help with experiments. As could Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker, of course. Miss Piggy [my favorite Muppet] could either help Gypsy or Dr. Kinga with some fashion advise. Or put the moves on Jonah. Probably both.
They would somehow make Space Mutiny worse and alienate the fans.
Because of this WDT, I’ve been imagining MSTie songs done Disney-style, like “Toobular Boobular Joy” done by cute forest animals and the 7 dwarfs. It has not been pretty. Help me . . .
The Atomic Brain Mrs. March adopts 3 teenage orphan girls for Dr. Frank’s brain transplant experiments, but they outsmart her with their hoola hoops, and their fax machines and their Braun electric blenders.
….don’t…you…DARE….