So, alert reader Mark writes:
Have you thought about a short list of movies that deserved MST treatment but never got it? I was thinking about this over the weekend since I caught part of the 1973 stinker “The Neptune Factor.” The discussion would include a short list (3 to 5), and why it would make a good episode.
Give me time and I could list 50, but I’ll just pick the first three that come to mind.
I would pick:
A*P*E — a big stupid Korean monster movie.
Blood Freak — rivals Red Zone Cuba as the worst movie ever made. I almost hate to inflict it on them. Almost.
And, just to pick one bigger budget title: Mysterious Island, a weird and wonderful of tale of giant bugs and chickens and on a desert isle.
What would you pick?
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Eraserhead, I think that would take “Deep Hurting” to a whole new level.
#5 mentioned Shatner, so I would pick Horror(or Terror) at 30,000 Feet, a classic TV movie from the 70s filled with name actors from the time. One of my favorites.
I don’t know the name offhand but there was one of those 80s Lifetime type movies starring Tony Danza ACTING in a based on a true story ripoff of a The Shining type of father.
Other obvious choices are
Yongary, a Korean monster movie that makes Godzilla vs Megalon look like Jurassic Park.
Message From Space, a Japanese Star Wars ripoff featuring mystical walnuts, Spanish galleons as spaceships, and Vic Morrow in between benders. It has one of my favorite scenes as the wizened elder gives an endless and pointless speech to his adoring grandchildren as the planet is literally blowing up around him.
The Three Stooges TV bio-pic from about 10 years ago whose major point was Curly Howard = tortured artist.
I’ll second Droppo’s pick of “Master Ninja III.”
I remember reading about “From Hell It Came” in the Season Seven preview section of the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide. An executed prince who comes back to life as a tree and seeks vengeance? That would have been perfect.
They probably could have gotten a lot out of “Orca,” a blatant “Jaws” ripoff.
Also, I imagine they would have had a lot of fun with “Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe,” which is basically Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura cutting loose in a sci-fi travesty.
Hmmm…
Mazes & Monsters – A terrible adaptation of a dodgy book starring Tom Hanks and Wendy Crewson! The basic plot is gamer goes crazy. Meant to be a serious look at how roleplaying games affect someone with mental illness issues instead it’s just a goofy mess.
Skullduggery – Not the 1970’s one but a horrible, deep hurting movie from the early 80’s. Also stars Wendy Crewson! This movie is gamer goes crazy, gets possessed by the devil, gamer then kills some people. A super low budget film that at times feels more like a student film. They would have had a field day with this one.
Two words… Project: Metalbeast
Military searches for werewolf blood to create super soldier. Overzealous soldier injects himself with said werewolf blood and must be shot with silver bullets by his superior and is then put into suspended animation. Flash forward 20 years where a scientist (Kim Delaney) is working to create a skin replacement for burn victims… out of some mysterious metal alloy. As a test cadaver she’s given the 20 year old werewolf corpse (in human form, of course). During the grafting procedure she notices the bullets in the chest and removes them… reviving the werewolf… which proceeds to grow a complete bulletproof metal skin. Hilarity ensues. :)
“When Worlds Collide” reminded me of Crack in the World.
Scientist trying to drill into the Earth’s core uses nuclear device to breach its boundary, causing a crack to begin propagating around the world. Hilarity ensues. Probably a little better than “When Worlds Collide”, but still plenty of riff fodder. “Magma!”
“Omega Doom”. Yeesh. “This is gonna hurt.” Good call, #43. I especially loved that since it was filmed in Slovakia, but set in the US, all the action takes place in the “Ye Olde Europe-land” section of an amusement park. Wow.
I can’t believe someone else saw “Monolith Monsters”! :)
The Conan movie with Grace Jones was Conan the Destroyer, btw. :) (Starring a then 14 year old Olivia d’Abo.)
Tony Danza movie I mentioned was Deadly Whispers, 1995.
Another great TV movie was Killdozer. It was a favorite for riffing in the Joel years.
Oh, I forgot a really good one!
IMPULSE starring William Shatner as a sleazy, unhinged gigolo/conman with some of the widest lapels ever put on film.
MIGHTY GORGA
@22..No,you’re not alone on KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park.Perfect choice,as would “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny”,but you’re right,it would be painful for M&TB to get through.
Question: Would the movie CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC be a bit too much to suggest??
Attack of the Super-Monsters
Return of the Dinosaurs
The Last Dinosaur with Richard Boone (sidenote: To anyone going to G-Fest next week near Chicago. If they are playing this movie in the view room, just a heads that there will probably be a group of 20 somethings riffing on it.)
Any of the “Star Man/ Super Giant” films.
The Brain from Planet Arous!!!! Greatest so-bad-it’s-good movie ever made! It even had John Agar in it!
I also wouldn’t have minded seeing the Brains take a whack at Night of the Lepus.
The Green Slime – While brieflly riffed in the demo it is by far the goofiest space monster movie ever filmed and this turd needs to be riffed to death.
Frankenstien vs the Space Monster…more riff opportunities than Plan 9 From Outer Space.
A*P*E – worst giant ape movies ever filmed. Includes the APE flipping off the bird directly into the camera. I have real big wishes that any of these would get done by CT or Rifftrax.
@Craig: I love the box art for “Uncle Sam”: “Uncle Sam Wants You….DEAD!!” Awesome. :mrgreen:
saherrin #4: For modern times, how about Arena? It’s has moral messages, a dose of effort and a cast of Sci-Fi TV staples (Claudia Christian, Armin Shimmerman and Marc Alaimo, for starters.)
That’s a good choice.
Along a similar line, I think Robot Jox would be good for riffing.
I would have to agree on Frankenstein vs. the Space Monster. Saw this one last night. Manos like driving sequences, aliens goofier than the Martians, and more stock footage than Invasion of the Neptune Men.
1. Saturn-3
2. Thunder Warrior – Has “Trash” from Leave The Bronx!
3. Spacerage – Starring Matthew Cuthpert from Anne of Green Gables.
Nothing with CGI in it. All these “Sci Fi Originals” need to be forgotten, not celebrated.
Here’s my top 5:
-Frankenstein Conquers the monster: Giant Japanese Frankenstein monster, giant chicken eating heat ray blasting underground monster named Baragon, American actor Nic Adams, and tons of 60s kitsch. Who could ask for more?
-Glen or Glenda: Ed Wood’s seminal film has him staring as Glen wrestling with his transvestite alter ego Glenda and how to break the news to his wife. Wooden acting, awful script, and a Ed Wood in the title role. Plus Bela Lugosi! “Pull the strings!!”
-Gamera vs. Monster X: Truly the REAL last “hurrah” for Gamera and the original series, A LOT better than Gamera vs. Zigra. This was never riffed on by MST, and came out before Zigra. Bigger production values, monsters fighting in an actual CITY, THREE annoying kids (one of them with an odd, Cockney accent, no less), an awesome enemy monster Jiger, and Gamera gets IMPREGNATED and the token kids go inside of him with a mini-sub to save his life ala “Fantastic Voyage”! Pure gold.
-Inframan: A poor man’s CHINESE version of the Japanese television character Ultraman. Actors in cheezey monster suits, lots of action and fighting scenes, hilarious dubbing and dialogue, and the title character fights the forces of the evil Princess Dragon Mom. Yes, that’s her name. Plus the whole movie has a weird, “cobbled and edited together from several single television episodes” feel, even though it wasn’t.
Latitude Zero: Another awesome stinker from Japan. This was one of those weird American/Japanese mash-ups that Toho, the company that brought us Godzilla, made in the late 60s. Joseph Cotton and Cesar Romero star as dueling super warship submarine captains surrounded by a Japanese cast speaking English lines phonetically! Guys in rubber suits play giant rats, bats, and even a giant lion with eagle wings that has the brain of Romero’s love interest! Tons of special effects, flying submarines, and two American actors who seem to be thinking, “How the HELL did I end up in THIS movie?!”
Runners up:
-The X from Outer Space
-Gappa, the Triphibian Monster
-Angry Red Planet (for those of you out there that think this is an untouchable “classic,” have you seen it lately?)
-Attack of the Mushroom People (aka Matatango)
-Death Bed, The Bed That Eats People (I’ve never seen this movie, only heard about it. It IS an actual film, though, made in the 70s but never released until just a few years ago on DVD. Has anyone actually seen this movie? The title ALONE suggests potential riffing.)
If anyone mentioned YOR!, starring Blast Hardcheese, I missed it.
After seeing rifftrax do the SW holiday special, i think another lame 70’s variety show special should be in order
even though they must be heavily edited for tv, uwe boll movies are perfect also
The Castle Monster says:
July 3, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Nothing with CGI in it. All these “Sci Fi Originals” need to be forgotten, not celebrated.
I agree, those movies are bad on purpose, and not in a good, Hobgoblins kind of bad on purpose. They are just wretched pieces of garbage.
“Duck and Cover” as the short and “Playmates” as the feature. The movie stars John Barrymore and Kay Kyser as themselves in a movie about the two being tricked into doing a Shakespeare play together and the main theme of the movie is how this is a bad idea. Can’t argue with that.
Here are five of my favorites from a Mill Creek public domain 50-pack, so there’s no reason they couldn’t have done these:
“Queen of the Amazons”: Endearingly cheesy jungle picture with tons of stock footage, and an African tribe of white female ocean liner survivors.
“Bride of the Gorilla”: Raymond Burr keeps turning into a murderous gorilla… or is it all in his miiiiiiind?
“Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women”: Corman cut-and-paste of an earlier Corman cut-and-paste of a Soviet film. New footage stars Mamie van Doren. Assembled by Peter Bogdanovich.
“Battle of the Worlds”: Thoroughly incomprehensible sci-fi adventure starring Claude Rains. I’m shocked, SHOCKED that they didn’t do this one.
“Warning from Space”: A brain-bending twist on “The Day the Earth Stood Still” from the makers of the Gamera films. Hilarious and incomprehensible, with starfish-shaped aliens that would have been an embarrassment on the original “Doctor Who.”
1- Cosmos, War of the Planets. I bought Digiview’s “Sci-Fi Invasion” 4-pack and have regretted it ever since. This movie was the worst of the bunch and I’m still not sure I understood what was going-on.
2- 1978’s Dr Strange, a made-for-tv superhero movie. In my opinion, this “movie” actually makes Reb Brown as Captain America look good by comparison.
3- The Lost City, which wasn’t really that bad to watch, but it would have been interesting to see what MST3K would have done with this old movie serial.
4- The Werewolf VS Vampire Women
I see a lot of my “B movie/Cult movie” collection mentioned, but some of them have ‘paired’ films. For instance, there was mentioned Jesse James meets Frankenstein’s Daughter which is very similar to Billy The Kid meets Dracula.
They Saved Hitler’ Brain has a ‘twin’, in The Yesterday Machine, where another Nazi Scientist wants to travel back in time to ‘revive/save’ Hitler.
Yongarry has been mentioned, but how about “Yongarry 2001” AKA Reptilian, which I accidentally recorded a track over the original because I’d left the mike open.
I’ve watched and recorded several ‘hosted’ movies (The Very Bad Movie, now deceased), and Saturday Fright Special (host: Scarewolf), and there are a few there:
Yeti: Giant of the 20th Century – a giant Yeti is found, defrosted, and brought to civilization
Werewolf vs Vampire Women
Several Japanese “StarMan” movies: Atomic Rulers of the World and Attack From Space
How about the Corman Star Wars ripoff: Battle Beyond the Stars, with Robert Vaughn, Richard Thomas, George Peppard and Sybil Danning? (the design of the ship, and Danning’s performance almost make it X-rated!)
Oh, no mention of The Terror Of Tinytown (all singing, all dancing, all Little People)?
“Hell Riders”. It’s definitely one of, if not *the*, worst movies ever made.
The cast is rumored to be paid in drugs, including Adam West during what is probably the lowest point in the man’s troubled career. He is the hero of the film, a doctor who jogs through the Southwest in a track suit, righting wrongs as he goes.
And that is probably the best thing the movie has to offer. I saw it once, years ago; it is hard to describe how horrible it was.
As someone who saw both GOIN’ COCONUTS and STAR CRASH in the local dollar theater in the town that I grew up in, I can vote for how bad they were. I would also like to throw in a vote for those two roller skating B-movie masterpieces of the late 70s/early 80s, SKATETOWN USA and ROLLER BOOGIE.
They should’ve riffed all the MASTER NINJA films. Some of Joel’s best. I know they planned on the third for Frank’s final episode, but they chose SAMSON VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN. I have high hopes Rifftrax at least mocks the rest of them. That would rock.
Most people already mentioned ones I’d suggest (especially Night of the Lepus and Cat Women on the Mood), but I’d add a newer one: “The Concorde: Airport ’79”. We’ve got a some-star cast, a ridiculous plot involving a boycott-free 1980 Olympics & an eeeeevil corporate executive trying to kill his reporter ex-girlfriend. Add a denial of basic flight physics that even a schoolkid knows, strained comic relief courtesy of Jimmie Walker & Charo, and George Kennedy getting French hooker ass. It’s so bad that, after the initial reviews, the studio tried to repackage it as a comedy and still failed. I always personally loved it whenever the Brains got their mits on 70s-soaked movies like this one, so seeing them handle this and its utter failure would have been personally awesome.
I’m thinking the 1970’s Doc Savage movie. Love the pulps/novels, but the movie is just sooooo cheesy.
I also have to agree with The Green Slime.
OK…since it seems we’re not limited to films made when the series was still on, i highly second “Alone in the Dark” Christian Slater, and Tara Reid as a scientist?? Comedy gold right there. My brother and I saw it in a theater despite having read a review saying “Alone in the Dark….is what you’ll be if you see this in a theater.”
“The Mutant Chronicles” starring Thomas Jane, Ron Perlman, and bizarrely, John Malkovich, who must have been blackmailed into this.
“Skeleton Man” with Casper Van Dien of Starship Troopers and not much else, about a bunch of special forces types battling a Native American spirit…..epically bad.
“Battlefield Earth” I’m guessing we all know how bad this was.
“Doom” further proof that a great video game doesn’t make for a great movie, or even a watchable one.
Either of the Jeeper’s Creepers movies, just terrible horror films that make zero sense.
1. Kingdom of the Spiders. With this you get a bug movie AND William Shatner (though I agree with the suggestion of Impulse, another festering turd of a Shatner vehicle.
2. John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness. Donald Pleasance, thin plot, lots of stuff NOT happening, insipid dialogue, low budget special effects, the list goes on.
3. The Neptune Factor. Walter Pigeon collecting a paycheck. Ben Gazzara, Ernest Borgnine, B. I. Gordon effects. Ridiculous plot points. The amount of stuff that you almost get shown but don’t see so that they could hid the cheesiness of the effects…it’s amazing.
Though the rights to the movies would have been far too expensive to afford, I would go with Commando, Kazaam, and Last Action Hero.
@Nicolletta – The Howling: New Moon Rising is one of my all time fave awful werewolf movies. “There’s dirt in the chili, Pappy.”. “I know it. I know it.”
@mikek – Eliminators is awesomely awful. I caught it recently on the THIS network here in Portland. That sleazy boat captain is played by Andrew Prine, who I think is a pretty good B movie actor. Which leads me to……….>
@Craig C. Clark – Andrew Prine is Simon, King of the Witches, and I kinda like that movie. It’s an interesting take on witchcraft movies.
Now, I’m pretty sure we’ve done this discussion too, but whatever. Anytime I can mention Yor: the Hunter from the Future (starring Big McLargeHuge), War Bus (italian cheese), Demons of Ludlow (director Bill Rebane, Giant Spider Invasion), Night Train to Terror (a jumbled mess), or The Wraith (starring Charlie Sheen) will take the opportunity.
War of the Gargantuas. Odd Japanese giant monster movie that’s a sequel of sorts to Frankenstein vs. Baragon. It’s dubbed with guys in rubber suits crashing around sets filled with models. One monster is good, the other is bad. (We know he’s bad because he eats people!) Like a Gamera movie without the lucid plot!
I always wished they did “Plan 9 from Outer Space”. I was happy when Mike, Kevin and Bill finally tackled it on Rifftrax. Still, would’ve been better with the full Brains treatment.
@ Mela – Great call! All those old Airport movies would be great for the MST treatment. The original came on cable once and was laughing the whole time thinking of Airplane!
Someone mentioned Jaws 3 already, but I think Jaws 4 is much better for riffing. When a shark travels thousands of miles on a personal vendetta, it makes for ripe riffing material. I also remember a stinkbomb of cheese from my youth called Superfuzz co-starring Ernest Borgnine. Merlin callbacks, anyone?
1- Frankenstein Unbound with Raul Julia
2- The Exorcist II
3- Billy Jack
need I say more?
#91- I totally forgot about Frankenstien Unbound!! A John Hurt time travel movie directed by Roger Corman, with Bridget Fonda as Mary Shelley and Raul Julia as Victor Frankenstein! Man, that one STUNK!
It would have been fun to do “Beneath the Planet of the Apes” just for Bobo’s reaction. The first half of the movie is actually pretty good, then Hardware Hank finds the bomb-worshipers and the movie circles the drain really fast.
I concur with the earlier post that recommended “Gymkata.” I’ve actually seen the movie on late-night TV, and it was amazingly inept and stupid. Strategically-placed pommel horses in back alleys so our hero can use them for kick-boxing assistance? Pleeeeease…
And since we are talking about movies that they used for great references, how about “Road House”?
I would’ve enjoyed seeing them take on Blackenstein. They didn’t do any blaxploitation films (despite there being many ripe for the riffing), and that movie is pretty painful to watch, so it would’ve been both a challenge and a change of pace.
I agree with everyone on Glen or Glenda too. But they probably found it a little too difficult to make family friendly, censor-approved riffs on that one :)
# 94- I didn’t even think about the “adult” nature of potential riffing on that one. Seems very obvious now, though. I think it would make a great film for Rifftrax to do as another Live show, though. What do you think?
1. WORLD WITHOUT END
2. STARSHIP INVASIONS
3. ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS
4. KRONOS
METALSTORM – THE DESTRUCTION OF JARED-SYN
-A cornucopia of blandness. Low budget sets and costumes. I first saw it at the Camp Schwab theater on Okinawa.
Some of the Marines were snickering and mocking the movie (not too loudly though). None of the others seemed to
be bothered by this.
#96
Interesting that you should bring up “Starship Invasions”, darthservo.
In the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, Mary Jo Pehl speculated that “Starship Invasions” would be one of the episodes in season seven.
I don’t know why they didn’t end up using that one.
Although made after MST3000, The Island, a rip off of Parts: the Clonus Horror would be good for the treatment.
I think Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things would have been a good choice. Samson in the Wax Museum. City of the Dead, maybe. Some of the later Hammer stuff is so stiff and unintentionally funny that it would have been perfect. I get the feeling the rights wouldn’t clear for most Hammer though. Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires would be perfect. Then there’s Sasquatch, The Legend of Bigfoot. Snow Beast might not be bad enough but they could probably have done something with it. Oh, and that makes me think of Grizzly and a director named Girdler. Asylum of Satan and The Manitou. The Manitou has Tony Curtis and boy is it ever out there.