So, alert reader Mark writes:
Have you thought about a short list of movies that deserved MST treatment but never got it? I was thinking about this over the weekend since I caught part of the 1973 stinker “The Neptune Factor.” The discussion would include a short list (3 to 5), and why it would make a good episode.
Give me time and I could list 50, but I’ll just pick the first three that come to mind.
I would pick:
A*P*E — a big stupid Korean monster movie.
Blood Freak — rivals Red Zone Cuba as the worst movie ever made. I almost hate to inflict it on them. Almost.
And, just to pick one bigger budget title: Mysterious Island, a weird and wonderful of tale of giant bugs and chickens and on a desert isle.
What would you pick?
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coilythespringsprite says:
July 3, 2010 at 10:06 pm
METALSTORM – THE DESTRUCTION OF JARED-SYN
-A cornucopia of blandness. Low budget sets and costumes. I first saw it at the Camp Schwab theater on Okinawa.
Some of the Marines were snickering and mocking the movie (not too loudly though). None of the others seemed to
be bothered by this.
If there was a Mr. B Natural for MSTies, he/she would pop out of nowhere and say, “The spirit of riffing is in everyone!”
Ooo – “Future Hunters,” with then-T-1000-wannabe Robert Patrick. It features Patrick and his sidekicks as they stumble around exotic locales (suspiciously, always filmed from BEHIND when on scene in Hong Kong!) trying to track down… ancient artifacts… from the future… but they were ancient…
Anyway, it has awesomely bad kung-fu, cardboard Nazis, and a chase scene where night changes to day instantly, somehow within the same take. With a little light editing for content, it would have perfectly fit that ~PG-13 MST was looking for.
“Infra-man,” a little-known Japanese superhero movie from 1975, is one of the most unintentionally hilarious Jap/sci-fi movies around. What I remember most is the hero doing somersaults/trampoline jumps whenever he becomes I.M. A truly terrible movie, but one I wish Mike and the ‘bots would’ve taken on.
Well, no thread like this would ever be complete without the obligatory “NIGHT OF THE LEPUS”, so there it is. 1970’s, giant forced perspective rabbits, & Dr. Bones McCoy. What more could you possibly ask for?
I also second the Shatner tv movie “Horror at 30,000 feet”. That was a real clunker.
Here here for “Airport ’79” as well, and all those 70’s disaster flicks…Towering Inferno, Earthquake, etc… and throw “Day of the Animals” in there too.
Also, that awful 70’s tv movie with Shatner, Andy Griffith, & Marjoe Gortner on motorcycles, “Pray for the Wildcats”.
Speaking of Christmas movies, one of those weird digital channels here is running “Santa Claus” for some reason. (Christmas and Independence Day are basically the same, I guess.) It remains completely insane and incoherent, and I’ve watched the MST version so many times I can basically fill in the riffs.
“Yor: The Hunter From the Future” is a must. “Timerider” would be great. Fred Ward, Peter Coyote, Richard Masur, and a motorcycle in the old west. Speaking of which, where’s the love for “Megaforce”? Barry Bostwick with bad 80’s hair and a flying motorcycle!!! I’ll second the votes for Night of the Lepus and Empire of the Ants.
“Wired to Kill,” a mid-’80s postapocalyptic flick with a dweeby hero who takes on a biker gang of Mad Max wannabes with his remote-controlled robot. It’s more “Future War” than “Warrior of the Lost World,” but I think it’s just meaty enough to riff on—the actor who played Kirk’s son in the Star Trek films is the gang leader, the robot is little more than a camera and a shotgun on flimsy wheels, and apparently by 1998, we were supposed to have DRIVE-UP PAY PHONES OF THE FUTURE! Our hero can call for help while remaining safe in the cab of his idling truck!
Oh, and for some reason the movie has a jazz-fusion score by the Yellowjackets. Incongruous, to say the least.
I have two nominees. From 1955 Conquest of Space, a story of the first Mars mission by a bunch of cliche caracters.
From 1971 a TV movie from Irwin allen. City Beneath the Sea. a failed TV pilot recycling, actors, sets and plots from
other Irwin Allen productions. Stars Stuart Whigman, Robert Colbert, James Darren, and Robert Wagner and as the President
Richard Basehart.
These are some great lists. Very expansive. Not only should Cinematic Titanic and RiffTrax take notes, but, I suggest, so should Jim Mallon. Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Next Generation anyone?
I’ve never seen them, but I recommend the earlier Deathstalker movies. The one they riffed on MST3K was and still is one of the funniest episodes I’ve ever seen.
American Ninja 2. Why not the first American Ninja movie? Well, that one is pretty good and rather conventional. American Ninja 2 has a mad dictator that wants to create an army of ninja clones. So there’s that.
The Critters movie series would be good for riffing.
Although the rights would have been impossible to require, I’ve always felt that the movie adaptation of Pink Floyds “The Wall” would make for good riffing fodder. I’ts one of those films that if you close your eyes and listen it’s much better unless you happen not to like Pink Floyd’s music. But it’s got weird animation, a hard to follow plot (I can follow it, I’m not sure about everyone else though), stars Bob Geldof, and has very little actual dialogue (the scenes were Geldof sings certain songs don’t count). All of this adds up to prime riffing fodder in my opinion.
I meant to say “impossible to aquire” not “impossible to require”.
I saw Death Bed: The Bed that Eats. Incredibly dumb film. The bed made chewing noises as food or people placed on the bed sunk/dissolved into it. Good riffing fodder but a bit gruesome for MST.
One nomination from me would be this odd dystopic future film The Apple I saw as a kid. It’s about some hippie renegades from a society that’s been taken over by an evil disco band called The Bim (Bym?) who make everyone dance to their broadcast music at a certain time everyday. Even surgeons in the middle of an operation or firefighters at work.
I can’t really remember any other tyranny except predatory use of contracts. In the end the hippies get raptured into heaven or something by an angel/god/? in a ghostly Limo.
The 1978 film “THE SWARM” with an impressive cast that includes Michael Caine, Richard Windmark, Olivia de Havilland, Fred MCMurray, Patty Duke, Katherine Ross, and Henry Fonda. In my opinion one of the worst films ever!
Another is 1980’s “Heartbeeps” the Andy Kaufman/Bernadette Peters film about escaped robots.
I remember seeing a movie called “Chosen Survivors” way back in the 70s, about a group of people selected to repopulate the Earth in case of nuclear holocaust, send into a deep underground ultra-modern bunker, only it’s been built alongside a colossal cave filled with millions of vampire bats.
Haven’t seen it since I was 10 or 11, but in my memory it would serve.
BTW, there is another movie just called Death Bed which was a modestly decent b-movie. Deathy Bed: The Bed that Eats has a production level barely beyond a home movie. Good for a laugh if you have a high tolerance level.
Another vote for Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires. Scads of kung fu action, bat-on-a-string, and nude virgin sacrifices. Well, topless virgin sacrifices anyway.
72 desperate rebels it was a 1970s kung-fu movie poorly dubbed with a sword eating zombie who has gold teeth.
all so ide like to nominate monsters from green hell, and the navy vs. the night beasts.(i think thats the tittle)
“I dont even want to know about your little friend in the jar”
I’d suggest the Arch Hall Jr flick “Wild Guitar”, directed by Ray Dennis Steckler. It’s actually quite watchable, but it is completely idiotic.
Icecastles – this film is perfect for riffing, in the Marines a bunch of us did just that, had a blast
Attack of the 50 Foot Woman – hilarious film even tho it is played straight
Undefeatable – I swear they did this movie all in one take.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111552/
Death Wish 3 – Too many unintentional humor moments to list throughout this action flick starring Charles Bronson.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089003/
RAD – 1980s BMX movie shot in Calgary, Alberta.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091817/
Hercules in New York – Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as Hercules and all of his line are dubbed.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065832/
ohhhh I forget to mention ROBOVAMPIRES! A hopping [like what a bunny does] chinese vampire that shoots sparks from his arms. A ghost get married. Drug smuggling. And TA DAH – a high school grade costume for a Robo cop rip off all spliced together from two different films and you get this errrrrr thing. Sorta like a dog turd with corn and aluminum candy wrappers. You get to say “what was that I just saw?” a lot!
CORNJOB- I remember in a podcast interview that Mike had been hired by someone to write a theatrical adaptation of “The Apple” as an off-Broadway show. Does anyone know if that ever surfaced?
Has no one mentioned CHILD BRIDE yet? It is the one Mike said they would never riff. Thus making it the movie they must riff. I have watched half of it. It’s an education, if not educational. Certainly has RED ZONE CUBA and MANOS levels of misanthropy, or you will after watching it.
Gonzo- Ooooo, I dunno about Child Bride. Wasn’t the main reason they never riffed that one because it featured antiquated child nudity?
What else?
Ahhhhhhhhhh-Gymkata!
I’ve seen Robo Vampire. The funniest thing about it is the disconnect between the cover art (which actually makes the title character look half-decent) and the lousy costume in the actual film.
Big, big second to The Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf. If having Reb Brown and Christopher Lee and Sybil Danning isn’t enough, how about having Christopher Lee explain that the really powerful werewolves can only be killed with titanium? No wonder they’ve been haunting Transylvania for centuries, those poor peasants had no chance!
The rest of the Howling movies are pretty dull though. I admit to not watching the sixth and seventh, but the third only had marsupial werewolves (and a woman giving birth to a marsupial werewolf, THAT was disturbing). That sounds far more interesting than the movie actually is, and the fourth and fifth Howling movies are even duller.
John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned is a far better choice for riffing than Prince of Darkness. Christopher Reeve is in it, so much potential right there. Kirstie Alley is in there too, and so is Mark Hamill! Plus it’s another bona-fide 2.5 star movie from our old pal Leonard Maltin, displaying his trademark lack of critical ability.
They’d probably never have gotten the rights, but Two of a Kind is already a scream. Gene Hackman is the voice of God in a story about the human race needing to find redemption in the forms of Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta proving that evil impulses haven’t taken people over completely. The concept alone is enough, but things are happening in loony, out-there ways all the way through, and MST3K could only make it better.
And now for something completely different… It seems a lot of people like San Francisco. I say MST3K is exactly what that movie needs. Until the earthquake happens just past the 90 minute mark, it’s pretty dull, with tons of Jeannette MacDonald singing (though that would hurt the audience horribly). Clark Gable has a few good lines, Spencer Tracy is good like he usually is, but the movie defeats them both. The earthquake DOES look good, especially for 1936, but it’s way too late to make me care, especially with the horrible last-minute religious conversion Clark Gable goes through.
#5, #5… Nope, not doing Short Circuit. Instead why not The Wizard for a video game-themed entry? Nothing like the constant product placement of Nintendo games to provide fodder, plus it’s got tons of names to constantly mock.
Has anyone mentioned JAIL BAIT and NIGHT OF THE GHOULS both by Ed Wood yet??
Let’s revisit Daniel Bernhardt aka Jean Claude Gosh Darn in Bloodsport 2, 3 and 4.
The Pit
Oh wow…
1. Star Trek V, because an opportunity like that comes once in a lifetime.
2. Deranged, an actually pretty good movie based on Ed Gein. The whole thing’s pretty campy – my friends and I have gotten together to riff this a couple of times.
3. Blood Freak – this movie may well rival the likes of ‘Manos’ and ‘Monster A Go-Go’ in terms of unbelievable badness.
4. Mesa of Lost Women. Mostly to see if they could really make it. I had to turn it off after 10 minutes.
Another vote for “War of the Gargantuas”. I think this was the sequel to “Frankenstein Conquers The World”, which also would have been good riffing fodder.
The words get stuck in my throat!
How ’bout “Carnosaur?” Diane Lane gives birth to a dinosaur at the end! Features the same revolutionary puppetry featured in “Futurewar.”
Don’t know if these were mentioned, but:
The Brain Eaters, with Leonard Nimoy as the Alien, who hangs out in a TeePee looking spaceship and is thwarted by Ed Nelson.
The Day Mars Invaded Earth
Frankenstein meets the Space Monster, featuring a disturbingly effeminate alien that sorta looks like John Lovitz.
And whoever mentioned Billy Jack, you are right on! That would be great!
#70 and #106 mentioned my favorite:
YOR: THE HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE
Reb Brown as a caveman + dinosaurs + spaceships + robots = riffing gold.
The title song alone is one of the greatest comedic moments in “film” history.
“Yor’s World! He’s the Man!”
I’d like to suggest “Born Losers”, considered the first Billy Jack film, mostly for the hot chick in the bikini throughout. “Roller Boogie” is an excellent choice, mainly for the Exorcist references they could make. One short which I love is “Dating Do’s and Don’ts”, which rifftrax has available, but not by Mike and the guys.
Just for the title alone, the 1958 film: I Married a Monster from Outer Space
“Battle Beyond the Stars”
“King Kong vs. Godzilla”
“Silent Running”
“The Tingler”
“Star Trek: The Motion Picture”
The Swarm
Airport 75
Airport 79
And I should also have mentioned that AIP made a number of Teen/motorcycle/hotrod movies in the late 50’s that would be perfect for the guys.
Hot Rod Gang
Motorcycle Gang
Dragstrip Girl
Dragstrip Riot
Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow
Etc etc
And oddly enough, Russ Bender was in every one of them.
From all the reviews I’ve seen the last few days, “The Last Airbender”. Okay, we’d need a time machine, but still.
Someone mentioned The Apple….that was just on the THIS network here the other day…..so was The Screaming Skull, which CT already trashed. They’ve also had Sleepaway Camp, Blackula, and Frogs all on recently. The THIS network was made for MST3K and it’s successors.
The Born Losers would be beautiful for riffing if it weren’t for all the rape and brutality. *BTW, I looked it up on IMDB and it turns out that Jane Russel is still alive! I thought she’d died decades ago.* Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow would be fun, too (it even has a couple of nice musical numbers) but you’d need a couple of shorts to go with it since I think it’s a little over an hour long.
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Come on guys, you’re really letting me down on this one…………how about The Thing With Two Heads and The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant, both from the early 70’s, as the GREATEST double (DOUBLE………..get it ???????)-bill of all time !!
If you look up the list (somewhere on the internet) of the all-time “most riffable movies”, BOTH of these movies come in at number TWO (number TWO………get it ?????? OKAY, OKAY, I’ll STOP IT……..) right behind
1995’s Showgirls, the biggest, unintentionally hilarious, most fishy-smelling film of all time……….
For those who have never seen any (or all) of these three movies, stop reading this right now, and go borrow/buy/rent/stream/download them all, IMMEDIATELY……………
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After 145 postings there are a lot of good/bad movies mentioned. My choices are:
1) Not of this Earth (1958) One of Corman’s best, originally paired with Attack of the Crab Monster. Starring Paul Birch (who is excellent, as the part requires wooden acting), Beverly Garland and Jonathan Haze (What’s a Corman flick without Haze?). A different take on the vampire film with an alien from a dying planet sent to Earth to determine whether human blood can save their race. One of my favorite good/bad movies would have been perfect for the treatment.
2) Angry Red Planet (1960) Mentioned in passing during the thread, but not much was added. A Sid Pink film with a cinematic gimmick (“Cinemagic”), a bat/rat/spider thingie and a classic stinger “It’s the girl! Forget the radiation. Let’s go!”. The tag line was “Martians get mad – then get even”. And it’s in color.
3) Hand of Death (1962) A classic man turns into a monster film starring John Agar at his most insufferable.
4) Caltiki: The Immortal Monster (1959) A Mexican take on The Blob without the great theme song and any teen appeal. Scientist discovers carpet monster in a lake in a cave, blows up cave, saves monster scraps, takes them to Mexico City and revives them. Pure camp and perfect for the Treatment.
5) Neanderthal Man (1953) Another regression movie ala I Was a Teenage Werewolf where a scientist turns himself into a monster and goes on a killing spree. Gives the viewer a chance to see Beverly Garland in her pre-Corman days. Not a likable character in the film, but would be good for riffing.
Interestingly enough, a certain infamous reviewer over at dvdtalk.com seems to think “The Neptune Factor” was riffed on the show!
Although I love Disney’s “The Black Hole”, I thought it would be perfect for them. Vincent is sort of a distant cousin to Tom Servo!
The 1970’s stinky cheeseburger “Monstroid”, an awful, dubbed horror flick that features John Carradine as an aged priest and a giant monster that is sometimes a man in a rubber suit, while other times a sock puppet. It doesn’t get any better than that, does it?
Thought of another one,
The movie that could be the Midwestern Manos, Bog.
A small Wisconsin town is menaced by a prehistoic humaniod crayfish creature that drinks the blood of woman so it can mate with them. It was a prefect made of the weekend low budget. Every scene change has a brief freeze from editing.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077254/